Fun_People Archive
21 Apr
The Comedian's Eye View of 04/21/97

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Mon, 21 Apr 97 17:20:53 -0700
To: Fun_People
Subject: The Comedian's Eye View of 04/21/97

Excerpted-from: 04/21/97 -- ShopTalk

                        Monday April 21, 1997

	"A TV station in Alabama is refusing to air the coming-out
	episode of 'Ellen.' A spokesman...said, 'Homosexuality is not
	a topic that two cousins should watch with their children.'"

						-Conan O'Brien

                               &&&&&&&&&&


The Sporting Life: The Chicago Cubs, now 0-12, have found a unique way to
honor Jackie Robinson on the retirement of his number. "They've decided to
lose the first 42 games of the season," says Jerry Perisho.

"Did you see Tiger Woods drive on the 18th hole at the Masters?"  asks Argus
Hamilton.  "The only way he could have hit it any farther would have been
in a Cubs pitcher pitched it to him."

"Another big victory for Tiger Woods today," says Jay Leno.  "While changing
planes in Chicago, he beat the Cubs 1-0."

"If they don't win soon, management is thinking of sewing new numbers on
team uniforms- 911." (Earl Hockman)

The NHL's Stanley Cup playoffs began this week.  "Detroit is warning fans
not to throw octupuses onto the ice," says the Cutler Daily Scoop.  "New
York is warning fans not to throw other New Yorkers onto the ice."

Our Government: The US Army will allow Native American soldiers to use
peyote as part of their religious ceremonies.  Says Jim Shaughnessy, "People
are having sex all over the place in the Army, now they're doing drugs, they
got that bad bugle corps music.  They're not out defending out country.
They're picking up where the Grateful Dead left off."

Newt Gingrich will borrow the $300,000 to pay his fine from Bob Dole.  "The
only thing he has big enough to offer for collateral is his ego." (Stan
Kaplan)

The FBI crime lab may have bungled the Unabomber investigation.  "Turns out
the most efficient investigator in the case was Ted Kazcynski's brother."
(Daily Scoop)
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