Fun_People Archive
16 Apr
Stuff we learned from TV

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Wed, 16 Apr 97 12:52:44 -0700
To: Fun_People
Subject: Stuff we learned from TV

[And perhaps the only stuff we learned...  -psl]

Forwarded-by: Keith Bostic <bostic@bostic.com>
Forwarded-by: cyerkes <cyerkes@interport.net>

	Stuff we learned from TV:
	-- Excerpts from the book of the same name

"He who quits and runs away will live to quit another day."
	-- Corporal Agarn, F Troop

"A straight line may be the shortest distance between two points, but it is
by no means the most interesting."
	-- The Doctor, Doctor Who

"Due to the shape of the North American Elk's esophagus. even if it could
speak, it could not pronounce the word lasagna."
	-- Cliff Clavin, Cheers

"It takes a big man to cry, but it takes an even bigger man to laugh at that
man."
	-- Jack Handey, Saturday Night Live

"I happen to believe in the sanctity of marriage -- no matter how ugly and
disgusting it gets."
	-- Major Frank Burns, M*A*S*H

"Before all that equality crapola, you was a sweet frightened wife."
	-- Archie Bunker, All in the Family

Skipper:  I'm not overweight, I just have big bones.
Gilligan: Yeah, and they're covered with big meat.
	-- Gilligan's Island

"Life is not all lovely thorns and singing vultures, you know."
	-- Morticia, The Addams Family

"Never make fun of a Ferengi's mother."
	-- Ferengi Rule of Acquisition Number 31, Deep Space Nine

"This is a cheap-shot comedy sketch, and I'll lay you odds the frog wrote it."
	-- Miss Piggy, The Muppet Show

"We are more alike than unlike, my dear captain. I have pores, humans have
pores. I have fingerprints. Humans have fingerprints. My chemical nutrients
are like your blood. If you prick me , do I not... leak?"
	-- Data, Star Trek: The Next Generation

Big Bird: So where's Mr. Hooper, I wanna give him this picture.
Bob:      Well, Big Bird... Mr. Hooper died.
Big Bird: Oh, Okay. Well I'll give it to him when he comes back.
	Sesame Street

"I might as well be dead... Well, I'm going  to bed, son. Good-night.  If
I'm lucky I'll sleep until angel Gabriel wakes me up... If not, I'll see
you at the usual time."
	-- Fred Sanford, Sanford & Son

Mr. T:	Gimme a cup of coffee!
Waiter:	How do you want it?
Mr. T:	In a cup, fool!
	The A-Team

"Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?"
	-- Mork, Mork and Mindy

Herman Munster:
	Dancing's never been one of my strong points. I guess you could
	say I have two left feet.
Grandpa Munster:
	That's what happens when they put something together in the dark.
	-- The Munsters

"You know, medicine is not an exact science, but we are learning all the
time. Why, just fifty years ago they thought a disease like your daughter's
was caused by demonic possession or witchcraft. But nowadays, we know that
Isabelle is suffereing from an imbalance of bodily humors, perhaps caused
by a toad or a small dwarf living in her stomach."
	-- Theodoric of York, Saturday Night Live

© 1997 Peter Langston