Fun_People Archive
24 Mar
Headlines I Never Want to See

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Mon, 24 Mar 97 11:44:18 -0800
To: Fun_People
Subject: Headlines I Never Want to See

[ALERT:  Celtic music jokes approaching...  Proceed at your own risk! -psl]

Forwarded-by: Lani Herrmann <lanih@ranga.SIMS.Berkeley.EDU>
Forwarded-by: Zouki@AOL.COM

HEADLINES I NEVER WANT TO SEE
=============================

Scottish Scientists Clone Bagpiper

Bill Clinton Refuses Invitation to Be Guest Judge of Piano Accordion
Competition at Mayo Fleadh, Calls $50 Stipend "Deeply Insulting"

Fossil of Unicorn-Like Creature Discovered in Irish Bog

Bodhrans Can Spread Mad-Goat Disease, Say Researchers

Nameless Crud in Tin Whistles Can Be Harmful If Inhaled, Medical Conference
Told

Belfast Cleric Claims Reading ABC's of "Bucks of Oranmore" Backwards Reveals
Satanic Message

Surviving Gangsta Rappers Express Interest in Sean-Nos Singing

Jim Carrey Tapped to Play Lead in New Movie Version of "Portrait of the
Artist as a Young Man"

Bill Whelan, "Showboat" Producers Meet to Discuss "Old Man Riverdance"
Possibility

ASCAP Decision: Michael Jackson Owns Rights to "Irish Washerwoman"

Dublin Lottery Winner: Irish Washerwoman Owns Rights to Michael Jackson

Dismembered Body of DADGAD Guitar Player Found in Dumpster; Police Not Ready
to Reveal Contents of "Suicide Note"

Scientists See Link between Banjo Playing and Impotence in Older Males

Baltimore Musician Nominates Self for Nobel Peace Prize

Dervish Leader Charged With Attempted Manslaughter After Five Set-Dancers
Collapse at Ceili

Scholars Find Oldest Recorded Kerryman Joke in Recently-Translated Dead Sea
Scroll

Editorial Staff in Chaos after TREOIR Publisher Suggests Inclusion of Spicy
Centerfold to Boost Circulation

Uzbeki Scholar Alleges "Seven Drunken Nights" Insults Zoroastrian Teachings,
Calls for "Harshest Penalties" Against Singers

Diabetics Warned Against Excessive Exposure to "Danny Boy"

© 1997 Peter Langston