Fun_People Archive
13 Feb
The Comedian's Eye View of 2-14-97

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Thu, 13 Feb 97 17:42:44 -0800
To: Fun_People
Subject: The Comedian's Eye View of 2-14-97

Excerpted-from: 2-14-97-- ShopTalk

                       Friday February 14, 1997

     "The [O.J. Simpson civil trial] jury has the chance to send the
      world a message, which is, 'If you kill someone in L.A.,
      you are looking at a very stiff fine.'"

                                  Bill Maher, on Politically Incorrect

                               &&&&&&&&&&

American Airlines pilots are preparing to strike.  "Creatures of habit,
1,600 picketers are in a holding pattern approaching Chicago," says Bob
Mills.

"Their recent work slow-down didn't go well," says Ray.  "No one could tell
the difference."

Jay Leno points out that the airline says it has replacement pilots.
"Replacement pilots?  What's that?  Do you really want to hear over the
intercom, 'Hi, this is Ted.  Remember, I served your drink like an hour ago?
I'm flying now!  I'm flying the plane!  You'll have to get your own
drinks.'"

The military has tightened procedures after its aircraft flew too close to
commercial airliners.  "A commercial jet did a sudden dive to keep from
colliding with National Guard aircraft," says Jenny Church.  "This evasive
maneuver is known as a reverse Dan Quayle."

"Among signs that the F-16s are flying too close is when Air Force pilots
are using your airliner's restroom." (Buddy Baron)

New York City has hired etiquette officers for its subways.  "It's starting
to work," said one passenger.  "This morning the man who mugged me said
thank you." (Premiere Morning Sickness)

The Never-Ending Story: "I don't want to join in the circus atmosphere
that's out there," OJ Simpson told Associated Press. Says Mills, "He
evidently prefers to wait for the carnival atmosphere of the appeals."

"He then excused himself and climbed into a little car with his 42 lawyers."
(Morning Sickness)

The jurors said they concluded Simpson should not profit from murder.
"They're right," says the Cutler Daily Scoop.  "That is the job of the
lawyers, the jurors, the witnesses..."

"OJ was assessed $33.5 million," says Leno.  "On the other hand, he can call
off that expensive search for the real killers."
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