Fun_People Archive
11 Feb
The Comedian's Eye View of 2-12-97

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Tue, 11 Feb 97 18:31:18 -0800
To: Fun_People
Subject: The Comedian's Eye View of 2-12-97

Excerpted-from: 2-12-97- ShopTalk

                      Wednesday February 12, 1997

  "I readily accept being a role model to all people,
   not just African Americans."
		- CNN news anchor Bernard Shaw

                               &&&&&&&&&&

In the News: NCR Corp. has unveiled a do-it-yourself grocery checkout.
It lets shoppers scan and bag their goods without a cashier.  Says Jerry
Perisho, "To help you feel comfortable, the company installed a speaker
that once every seventh item shouts, 'Price check on 4.'"

Bob Dornan claims he is the victim of massive voter fraud.  "Nobody has
the guts to tell him that women have the vote." (Cutler Daily Scooop)

A Cincinnati grandmother was convicted for feeding other people's parking
meters.  "How can we stop these criminals?" Argus Hamilton asks.  "When
grandmas are outlawed, only outlaws will have grandmas."

The NAACP is protesting the portrayal of African Americans as "buffoonish"
in TV sitcoms, especially on Fox, WB and UPN.  The Daily Scoop has two
words: "Al Bundy."

"The 14-year-old country singer LeAnne Rimes releases her second album
today.  It's called 'The Early Years.'  What is she going to release when
she's 16?"  asks the Daily Scoop.  "Her long-awaited comeback album?"

Money Matters: The Goldman lawyers believe OJ Simpson is worth 15 million.
"It's based on possible future earnings," says Hamilton.  "For instance,
Florida orange growers have offered $10 million to change his name to
Snapple."

The defense says OJ is $9.3 million in the red.  "He's using the accountants
over at Paramount Studios," says the Daily Scoop.

"For some, the finding of OJ's liability is the good news," says Bill Maher.
"The bad news is, they are going to make 'Naked Gun 4.'"

© 1997 Peter Langston