Fun_People Archive
9 Feb
The Very Model of a Modern Scientologist

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Sun,  9 Feb 97 12:11:15 -0800
To: Fun_People
Subject: The Very Model of a Modern Scientologist

[with apologies to Gilbert & Sullivan... -psl]

Forwarded-by: liondog@isomedia.com (Rick Ruskin)
Forwarded-by: Drew Daniels <drewdaniels@worldnet.att.net>

	A Modern Scientologist

I am the very model of a modern Scientologist;
our founder, L. Ron Hubbard, proudly scorned the word "psychologist."
He founded first a science with no base experimental,
then he made it a religion, free from taxes governmental.
He mesmerized his followers with treatments Dianetical
(and called a few "fair game" when their beliefs became heretical)
and long beyond the day his mortal form had turned to humus, he
still published a new novel every Saturday, posthumously.
The Church provides, along with teaching recondite tenebrities,
a golden opportunity to hobnob with celebrities:
Travolta, Alley, Cruise, and other Hollywood apologists:
I am the very model of a modern Scientologist.

(chorus: He is the very model of a modern Scientologist!)

I am the very model of a modern Scientologist.
My legal killer instinct would befit a criminologist.
When my religion's threatened I assail its foes extensively
(and force Suppressive Persons to defend themselves expensively).
I sue on cue for libel, seeking damages juridical,
no matter if the statements are mendacious or veridical
and when I would intimidate my enemies litigiously
I vest myself in stately robes of copyright, religiously.
The secrets of my faith I guard with reverence fanatical
from eyes that haven't paid to learn, at daily rates piratical,
the gnosis of a mystical sectarian technologist:
I am the very model of a modern Scientologist.

(chorus: He is the very model of a modern Scientologist!)

There's thirty other verses I could post without compunction,
But I'm not allowed to do it 'cause I'm under an injunction.

(chorus:  There's thirty other verses he could post without compunction,
but he's not allowed to do it 'cause he's under an injunction!)

© 1997 Peter Langston