Fun_People Archive
26 Jan
Multi-Lingual Onics Followups

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Sun, 26 Jan 97 13:45:51 -0800
To: Fun_People
Subject: Multi-Lingual Onics Followups

    Here's a pile of followups to the Fun_People "Multi-Lingual..." posting  
of 1/16/97.  I've included almost all the ones I received; I did edit a bit  
to improve readability.  Note that the subject matter leads to pretty broad  
(even raw) caricature at times...
--psl
==============================================================================
Date: 16 Jan 97 15:43:13 PST
From: Robert.Reynolds@directory.Reed.EDU (Robert Reynolds)

Chocoholic Speak -- Bonbonics
Trawl-fisherman Speak -- Hookonphonics
Virologist Speak -- Bubonics
WWV-DJ Speak  -- Chronics	(maybe too obscure?)
Not-a-crook Speak -- Nixonics
Reagan-Ebonic Speak -- Ironics
==============================================================================
Date: Thu, 16 Jan 1997 15:18:01 -0800
From: Daniel Steinberg <dss@opcode.com>

Parallel Port Speak -- Centronics

   or is that Geekonics personified?
==============================================================================
Date: Thu, 16 Jan 1997 18:14:22 -0800
From: Lynne <lpachta@nckcn.com>

e-onics..... that weird language of e-mail or for anthropologists?

boobonics... those with a fetish.. or the plaque?
==============================================================================
Date: Thu, 16 Jan 1997 17:09:20 -0800
From: Richard Tetu  <rtetu@lopez.wednet.edu>

Proctologists Speak: High-Colonics
Selph-taut reedurz speeck: Hookedonphonics
Natural Food Store Clerks Speak: 100% cottonics
Epidemiologists Speak : Bubonic
Beggars' Speak: Public Televisionic
Carnival Criers Speak: Mrs. Pankie's Miracle Tonics
Jimmy Hoffa's Friends Speak: Where has he gonics/ Boss of unionics
==============================================================================
Date: Thu, 16 Jan 97 20:22:32 EST
From: chuck@NYC.Thinkbank.COM (Chuck Ocheret)
Forwarded-by: szc@moorecap.com
Forwarded-by: keit@moorecap.com

Ebonics fo yo assz.

1. RECTUM...I HAD TWO CADILLACS, BUT MY OL'LADY RECTUM BOTH.

2. HOTEL...I GAVE MY GIRLFRIEND DA CRABS AND THE HOTEL EVERYBODY.

3. ODYSSEY...I TOLD MY BRO, YOU ODYSSEY THE JUGS ON THIS HOE.

4. STAIN...MY MOTHER-IN-LAW AXED IF I WAS STAIN FOR DINNER AGAIN.

5. SELDOM...MY COUSIN GAVE ME TWO TICKETS TO THE KNICKS GAME, SO I SELDOM.

6. PENIS...I WENT TO DA DOCTOR AND HE HANDED ME A CUP AND SAID PENIS.

7. CATACOMB...DON KING WAS AT THE FIGHT THE OTHER NIGHT, MAN, SOMEBODY
   GIVE THAT CATACOMB.

8. FORCLOSE...IF I PAY ALIMONY THIS MONTH, I'LL HAVE NO MONEY FORCLOSE.

9. UNDERMINE...THERE IS A FINE LOOKIN' HOE LIVIN' IN THE
   APARTMENT UNDERMINE.

10. TRIPOLI...I WAS GONNA BUY MY OLD LADY A BRA, BUT I COULDN'T FINE NO
    TRIPOLI.

12. DISAPPOINTMENT...MY PAROLE OFFICER TOL ME IF I MISS DISAPPOINTMENT
    THEY GONNA SEND ME BACK TO THE BIG HOUSE.

13. INCOME...I JUST GOT IN BED WIT DEE HOE AND INCOME MY WIFE.

14. HONOR...AT THE RAPE TRIAL, THE JUDGE AXED MY BUDDY, WHO B HONOR FIRST?

15. FORTIFY... I AXED DA HOE HOW MUCH? AND SHE SAY FORTIFY.

16. ISRAEL...ALONSO TRIED TO SELL ME A ROLEX, I SAID MAN, THAT LOOKS FAKE.
    HE SAID, NO ISRAEL.

------------

[And then there's the one of Clarence Thomas illustrating his understanding
 of the word harassment by using it in a sentence...

 "Harassment nothing to me, but her titties were mighty fine."

 ~chuck]
==============================================================================
Date: Thu, 16 Jan 1997 23:34:06 -0500
From: GARROBMIL@aol.com

Apathetic Speak - Yawnics
Audio Speak - Ultrasonics
Burger Speak - McOnics
Computer Speak - *.onics
Concert Speak - Philharmonics
Conehead Speak - Conics
Deer Speak - Fawnics
Double Speak - Onic-onics
Garden Speak - Hydroponics
Greenspan Speak -  Econonics
Hawaiian Speak - Kamayamayaonics
IBM Speak - O/Stwonics
Johnny Speak - Mnemonics
Math Speak - Trigononics
Music Speak - Harmonics
Theatre Speak - Histrionics
Vietnamese Speak - HoChiMinhonics
Web Speak - http://www.onics.com
Yiddish Speak - Oy!-onics
==============================================================================
Date: Fri, 17 Jan 1997 02:40:24 EST
From: groovin@juno.com (Nathan D Messer)

What about Greek speech, or Psi-onics? Or prison speech (Conics)? Then
there's wedding proposal speech, Sleep-onics.
==============================================================================
Date: Fri, 17 Jan 1997 13:05:30 -0500 (EST)
From: Pat Traynor <pat@ssih.com>

Lethargic feline speak - catatonics
Hades speak - demonics
Twisted meaning speak - Ironics
People who've had their fill of mouth harps - Philharmonics
S&M/Bondage speak - Slavonics
Simulated speech - symphonics
Pig Latin - Baconics
Bill Gates speak - Billionics
Talking like an asshole - Colonics
Alaskan Black Seagull speak - Exxonics
Used-car dealer speak - Lemonics
==============================================================================
Date: Fri, 17 Jan 1997 13:20:52 -0500 (EST)
From: GARROBMIL@aol.com

Animal Speak -- Gnuonics
Baby Speak -- Googoonics
Biology Speak -- Bionics
Computer Hardware Speak -  Centronics
Dyslexic Speak -- Scinobe
Ecology Speak -- Eco-nics
Flintstone Speak -- Yabba dabba doonics
Freud Speak -  Ego-nics
Health Speak -- Chronics
Mime Speak -- "____"-onics
Osteopathic Speak -- E-bone-ics
Palindromic Speak -- Ebonicscinobe
Santa Speak -- Hohonics
==============================================================================
Date: Fri, 17 Jan 1997 14:38:57 -0800
From: "kerry.e.blech" <kerry.e.blech@boeing.com>

Hi Peter,
I think that it is obvious and pre-ordained that Scott Adams will soon
feature a "Dilbert" strip with a trip to Elbonia and <Elbonionics>. My
guess is that several people will respond to you with this suggestion,
so let me join the crowd.
==============================================================================
Date: Fri, 17 Jan 1997 14:47:56 -0800
From: Jerry Nelson <jnelson@ucolick.org>

seismologist speak - tectonics
geologist speak - tectonics
acoustical engineer speak - supersonics
aeronautical engineer speak - supersonics
==============================================================================
Date: Fri, 17 Jan 1997 18:55:13 -0500 (EST)
From: DWSOLOMONS@aol.com

epidemiologists - Bubonics
Chinese restaurant owners - Cantonics
mineralogists - Onyx  (ouch!!)
whales - hydrophonics   (glug glug wheee!)
young prostitutes - Bimbonics

Will it never end?
==============================================================================
Date: Fri, 17 Jan 1997 09:52:25 -0800
Forwarded-by: gosner@ainet.com (george osner)
From: randall.woodman@lunatic.com (Randall Woodman)

Dialect spoken by marching bands...BATONICS
Dialect spoken by the anally fixated...COLONICS
Dialect spoken by Al Gore...CATATONICS
Dialect spoken by those who can't tell the truth...CLINTONICS
Dialect spoken when eating little pieces of ice cream...BON BONICS
Dialect spoken by those who know Windows 3.1...ICONICS
Dialect spoken by basketball fans in the Northwest...SEATTLE SONICS
Dialect spoken by those into easy jazz...GEORGE BENSONICS
Dialect spoken by snake oil salesmen...TONICS
Dialect spoken by people on pain-killers...DARVONICS
Dialect spoken by people trying to work out a Mideast peace...HEBRONICS
Dialect spoken by people on the way out...I'M GONICS
==============================================================================
Date: Sat, 18 Jan 1997 03:31:52 -0500 (EST)
From: Momel1@aol.com

Valley Girls speak: Fershuronics

Actors speak: histronics

Hollywood speaks: Cinematonics

Beavis and Friends speak: Buttonics

KOreans speak:  KimChee onics
==============================================================================
Date: Sun, 19 Jan 1997 11:34:20 -0500 (EST)
From: Momel1@aol.com

Fertlility specialists speak: embryonics
==============================================================================
Date: Sun, 19 Jan 97 19:58:47 PST
From: mbay@mho.net (Bay, Michael)

Blonde                  Duh-onics
==============================================================================
Date: Sun, 19 Jan 97 23:14:12 PST
From: mbay@mho.net (Bay, Michael)

Redneck Speak -- Hiconics
Southern Speak -- Y'allonics
Telecommunications Jargon -- Telephonics
Golf Speak -- Foreonics
Lawyer Speak -- Obfusconics
OB GYN Speak -- Pregonics
Xmas Speak -- St. Niconics
Lesbian Speak -- Dykonics
Sex Therapist Speak -- Moanonics
Energizer Bunny Speak -- On&On&Onics
Brewmaster Speak -- Hopsonics
==============================================================================
Date: Sun, 19 Jan 97 23:17:53 PST
From: mbay@mho.net (Bay, Michael)

Dating Speak -- Off&Onics
==============================================================================
Date: Mon, 20 Jan 1997 10:17:00 -0800 (PST)
Forwarded-by: Lani Herrmann <lanih@info.sims.berkeley.edu>
Forwarded-by: Mopsing@aol.com

	YANKONICS

 PORTLAND, MAINE., Dec. 30.
   In a move that has surprised educators nationwide, the Portland Board of
Education announced today that, beginning January 1, all Portland schools
would provide teacher and parent training in Yankee English, or so-called
Yankonics, recognize Yankonics as distinct from standard English, and help
Yankee children  who use Yankonics to master standard English.
   In its resolution, the Portland school board described Yankee English as
a distinct language, rather than a dialect of standard English.
   The district said it would not teach Yankonics, derived from the words
Yankee and phonics, in place of standard English, and would not try to
classify Yankonics-speaking students as bilingual in order to obtain federal
funds.
   Both the Clinton Administration and congressional Republicans moved
quickly to attack the announcement, with the Administration emphasizing that
it would refuse to grant special funding.
   In Augusta, Gov. Angus King (Ind.) defended the resolution.  "They're
not trying to teach Yankee English as a standard language.  They're
looking for tools to teach children standard English so they might be
competitive," King told reporters.
    An estimated 53 per cent of Portland's 13,000 students speak Yankee
English at home and district officials say they have the lowest average
grade point averages in the district.
    Reaction in the city was guarded, but supportive. Lobsterman John
Nadeau, 43, of Fore St. said, "Every yeah it gets hahda and hahda for
ouah kids to get the jawbs they need.  I cahn't say if this will wohk oah
nawt, but at least its a staht."
    The lunch crowd at Demillo's echoed Nadeau's position.  Mary Lamoreaux,
54, of Falmouth Foreside concurred.  "I've got two daughtahs, neithah of
whom cahn undahstahnd hahlf the things they heah on TV.  Something needs to
be done."
    Patrick Payson, 35, a developer at One City Center, admitted that he's
found his linguistic heritage a difficult cross to bear at times.  "I went
down New Yahk a few weeks ago foah some meetins.  It took me close to two
days figuah out what people weah tahlking about.  Rest assuahed, I was
wicked confused when I gawt bahck."
    Some, however, were not convinced.  Arthur Wentworth, 87, a scrimshaw
artist in the Old Port said, "Deah Gawd.  Yeahs ago no one cahed so much
about this soht of thing, we just went on about ouah business.  I don't see
much use in this.  If people from away cahn't understahnd what weah saying,
then they just ought head back to Massasstwoshits, oah wheyevah they came
frawm."
  Asked if he'd lived in Portland all is life, Wentworth replied, "not yet."
==============================================================================
Date: Wed, 22 Jan 1997 09:11:16 -0700 (MST)
From: Henry Freiser <freiser@shiva.CCIT.Arizona.EDU>

Isn't it about time that you found a suitable title for the wide ranging
selections of neo-logic branches of linguistics? Allow me to suggest:
	THE PLAGUE OF BOOBONICS
==============================================================================
Date: Thu, 23 Jan 1997 11:06:26 -0500
From: asamson@zenith.att.com

Plague striken speak - Bubonics
==============================================================================
Date: Fri, 24 Jan 1997 08:11:21 -0500 (EST)
From: MR8172P@aol.com

"GEORGE" magazine office jargon: John-Johnics
Ice Cream Manufacturers jargon: Bon Bonics
Shoe Repair Shop jargon Cat's Paw nics
==============================================================================
Date: Fri, 24 Jan 97 10:51:16 PST
From: mbay@mho.net (Bay, Michael)

Southern Speak -- Y'allonics
Politically-Incorrect Speak -- Faux pasonics
Telecommunications Speak -- Telephonics
Banker Speak -- Moolonics
IRS Auditor Speak -- PainInTheOnics
Teen Speak -- Duh-onics
Christmas Speak -- St. Niconics
Animal Control Officer Speak -- Doggonics
Fast Food Service Speak -- Botulonics
Spirit Speak -- "Boo"bonics
==============================================================================
Date: Fri, 24 Jan 1997 23:04:29 -0500 (EST)
From: MR8172P@aol.com

Atlanta Center for Disease Control jargon:           Bubonics
==============================================================================
Date: Sat, 25 Jan 1997 10:53:08 -0500
Forwarded-by: Bob Stein <squeeze@voicenet.com>
Forwarded-by: btaylor@ravenet.com (Bob Taylor)
Forwarded-by: Jay Little <jlittle@outland.dtcc.edu>

I was a neophyte IM resident doing a preop consult in one of the 4-bed wards
when this happened:

A surgeon had stopped in to tell his Afro-American patient that her breast
biopsy wasn't malignant.

She jumped up disgusted and snapped at him, "Wait a minute!  First yo tell
me they be one tooma, then you tell me they be two tooma, now you tell me
they be nine?!?
==============================================================================
    So that's it as of 1/26/97.  Perhaps we've beaten this thing to death?   
I certainly hope so.  In any case, it no longer seems to be moving, (even  
though I kept expecting one or two more onics to show up, e.g. "New York  
State limited-access roads speak Taconics" or "The Republican Congress speaks  
Draconics").  Thanks for all the Fun_Suggestions...

Peter

© 1997 Peter Langston