Fun_People Archive
23 Jan
Norm Peterson on Beer

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Thu, 23 Jan 97 13:15:53 -0800
To: Fun_People
Subject: Norm Peterson on Beer

[Here's a lesson in what a bunch of real pros (writers, in this case) can do  
with a simple setup, an audience of millions, and lots and lots of  
chances...  -psl]

Forwarded-by: "Matthew T. Kleinosky" <mkleinosky@utsph.sph.uth.tmc.edu>


Norm Peterson's Famous Quotes (from TV's "Cheers")
--------------------------------------------------

"Can I draw you a beer, Norm?"
"No, I know what they look like. Just pour me one."

"How's a beer sound, Norm?"
"I dunno. I usually finish them before they get a word in."

"What's shaking, Norm?"
"All four cheeks & a couple of chins."

"What would you say to a nice beer, Normie?"
"Going Down?"

"What's new, Normie?"
"Terrorists, Sam. They've taken over my stomach and they're demanding beer." 

"What'll it be, Normie?"
"Just the usual, Coach. I'll have a froth of beer and a snorkel. "

"What would you say to a beer, Normie?"
"Daddy wuvs you."

"What'd you like, Normie?"
"A reason to live. Give me another beer."

"What'll you have, Normie?"
"Well, I'm in a gambling mood, Sammy. I'll take a glass of whatever comes
 out of that tap."
"Looks like beer, Norm."
"Call me Mister Lucky."

"What'd you say, Norm?"
"Any cheap, tawdry thing that will get me a beer."

"What would you say to a beer, Norm?"
"Hiya, sailor. New in town?"

(Coming in from the rain) "Evening, everybody."
Everybody: "Norm!"
"Still pouring, Norm?"
"That's funny, I was about to ask you the same thing."

"Whaddya say, Norm?"
"Well, I never met a beer I didn't drink."

"Hey Norm, how's the world been treating you?"
"Like a baby treats a diaper."

"Would you like a beer, Mr. Peterson?"
"No, I'd like a dead cat in a glass."

"How's life treating you?"
"It's not, Sammy, but you can."

"What's the story, Mr. Peterson?"
"The Bobbsey twins go to the brewery. Let's cut to the happy ending."

"Hey, Mr. Peterson, there's a cold one waiting for you."
"I know. If she calls, I'm not here."

"Beer, Norm?"
"Have I gotten that predictable? Good."

"What's going on, Mr. Peterson?"
"A flashing sign in my gut that says, 'Insert beer here.'"

"Hey Mr. Peterson, Jack Frost nipping at your nose?"
"Yep.  Now let's get Joe Beer nipping at my liver, huh?"

"Whatcha up to, Norm?"
"My ideal weight if I were eleven feet tall."

"How's it going, Mr. Peterson?"
"Poor."
"I'm sorry to hear that."
"No, I mean pour."

"How's life treating you, Norm?"
"Like it caught me sleeping with its wife."

"Women. Can't live with 'em....pass the beer nuts."

"What's going down, Normie?"
"My butt cheeks on that bar stool."

"Pour you a beer, Mr. Peterson?"
"Alright, but stop me at one....make that one-thirty."

"How's it going, Mr. Peterson?"
"It's a dog-eat-dog world, Woody, and I'm wearing Milk Bone underwear."

"What's the story, Norm?"
"Boy meets beer. Boy drinks beer. Boy meets another beer."

"How's about a beer, Norm?"
"That's that amber sudsy stuff, right? I've heard good things about it!"

"What's going on, Mr. Peterson?"
"The question is what's going in Mr. Peterson? A beer please, Woody."

"Can I pour you a beer, Mr. Peterson?"
"A little early isn't it, Woody?"
"For a beer?"
"No, for stupid questions."

© 1997 Peter Langston