Fun_People Archive
11 Jan
The Fun_People Regular January Special Oxymoron Issue

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Sat, 11 Jan 97 14:56:32 -0800
To: Fun_People
Subject: The Fun_People Regular January Special Oxymoron Issue

	The Fun_People Regular January
	    Special Oxymoron Issue

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 From Webster's 9th New Collegiate (digital edition):

  oxy-mo-ron [LGk oxymo_ron, from neut. of oxymo_ros pointedly foolish,
	from Gk oxys sharp, keen + mo_ros foolish]
  (1657)
  :a combination of contradictory or incongruous words (as cruel kindness)

 to which I would add:

  :also used ironically to imply a contrast (as military intelligence)

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Fun_Folks:
    Here's a biggish list of "naturally occurring" oxymorons and oxymoronic
phrases followed by a shortish list of contributors and finally, a list of
URLs for other lists of oxymorons.  The order of the oxymorons has been
randomized for the sake of more interesting reading.
    If you have other, incredibly wonderful, side-splitting oxymorons that  
aren't on this list or even on the lists listed below, then, by all means,  
send them to me and I'll include them in next January's regular special  
oxymoron issue...
						- Peter <psl@acm.org>

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Simple Oxymorons:
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Terribly Nice		   Fresh Frozen		      Diet Ice Cream
Routine Emergency	   Constant Variables	      Legally Drunk
Suburban Culture	   Standard Deviation	      Gain Reduction
Little Monster		   Bitter Sweet		      Recently New
Working Vacation	   Genuine Reproduction	      Black Light
Safe Sex		   Criminal Justice	      True Story
Straight Hook		   Constant Change	      Serious Comedy
Howard Stern's Privacy	   New Classic		      Computer Security
Old News		   Science Fiction	      Marijuana Initiative
Pretty Ugly		   Computer Jock	      New Improved
Cost Savings		   Numb Feelings	      Reagan's Memoirs
Liquid Gas		   Local Network	      Sweet Sorrow
Severely Killed		   Mutually Exclusive	      Better Than New
Tough Love		   Intimate Strangers	      Marketing Strategy
Decent Lawyer		   Permanently Temporary      Act Natural
Death Benefit		   Front End		      Resident Alien
Postal Service		   Clearly Confused	      A Little Big
Rolling Stop		   Tremendously Small	      Steel Wool
Cold Sweat		   Bureaucratic Efficiency    Religious Tolerance
Advanced BASIC		   Ill Health		      Tax Return
New Tradition		   Management Action	      Rapid Transit
Major Minority		   Press Release	      Microsoft Works
Sanitary Landfill	   Peace Offensive	      Quick Fix
Eternal Happiness	   Management Support	      Eloquent Silence
Software Documentation	   Initial Conclusion	      Peace Force
Never Again		   Rap Music		      Friendly Competitor
Civil War		   Twelve-Ounce Pound Cake    Definite Maybe
Union Workers		   Strawberry Blond	      Living Dead
Strangely Familiar	   Extremely Limited	      Military Intelligence
Clean Dirt		   Paperless Office	      Original Copy
Apple Forecasting	   Sports Hero		      Violent Agreement
Butt Head		   Little More		      Common Sense
Quick Reboot		   Clever Fool		      Home Office
Plastic Glasses		   One Size Fits All	      Christian Scientists
Less Filling		   Exact Estimate	      Clearly Misunderstood
Found Missing		   Genuine Imitation	      Silent Scream
Synthetic Natural Gas	   Only Choice		      Open Secret
Incredibly True		   Casual Sex		      Almost Exactly
Sterilized Fertilizer	   Management Style	      Political Science
Too Young		   Second Best		      Aluminum Angle Iron
Even Odds		   Same Difference	      British Fashion
Alone Together		   Friendly Fire	      Taped Live
Jumbo Shrimp		   Awfully Pretty	      Definite Probability
Small Crowd		   Light Opera		      Committed Schedule
California Culture	   Good Grief		      Clean Hack
Soft Rock		   Devilishly Good	      Airline Food
Guest Host		   Certainly Unsure	      Damned Good
Thunderous Silence	   Terribly Pleased	      Tight Slacks
Student Teacher		   Modern History	      Work Party
Blameless Culprits	   Government Organization    Almost Certain
First-Strike Defense	   Government Assistance      Artificial Intelligence
Temporary Tax Increase	   Recorded Live	      Bloody Awful
Awfully Good		   Start Over		      Important Trivia
Business Ethics		   Passive Aggression	      Divorce Court
Department of Interior (responsible for the outdoors) Regular Special (?)

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Oxymoronic Phrases:
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"Now, then..."
"This paper fills a much-needed gap in the theory."
"Nostalgia ain't what it used to be."
"I'm sorry, the Zoltrix modem company offers tech support via our BBS only."
"You're on my list of people that will never be on any list of mine!"
"Those who forget this sentence are condemned to reread it."
"By definition, one divided by zero is undefined."
"It's not an optical illusion.  It just looks like one."
"You never know, you know?"
"I'm an Aquarius, and Aquarians don't believe in astrology."
"THIS PAGE INTENTIONALLY LEFT BLANK."
"I can't remember having a more memorable time."
"This report is filled with omissions."
"No one goes to that restaurant anymore--it's always too crowded."
"We are not anticipating any emergencies."
"Thank God I'm an atheist!"
"I'm not really an actor, but I play one on TV."

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Contributors:
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---	Brock N. Meeks <brock@well.com>
---	Catherine Sharbaugh <csharbau@ix.netcom.com>
---	Henry Cate <cate3@netcom.com>
---	John Cowles <cowles@hydra.convex.com>
---	John P. Kole <kole@convex.convex.com>
---	Keith Bostic <bostic@bsdi.com>
---	Lissy Abraham <lissy@apple.com>
---	Mike Russell <mgr@aggroup.com>
---	Modern Things <jgagnon@refer.qc.ca>
---	Peter Langston <psl@acm.org>
---	R. Dunbar Poor <r@pia.media.mit.edu>
---	Robert Reynolds <Robert.Reynolds@directory.Reed.EDU>
---	T. Morrison <taurus@u.washington.edu>
---	Xaviera <xaviera@xs4all.nl>

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Places to look for more oxymorons on the WWW:
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    http://ftphome1.gte.net/ellard/oxymoron.htm
    http://users.atcon.com/~phewson/oxymoron.html
    http://www.kern.com/~daemonic/funnies/oxymorons
    http://www.stgenesis.org/fun/oxymoron.html
    http://al.cs.engr.uky.edu/~anderson/humor/oxymorons.html
    http://www.exis.net/story/contra.htm
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