Fun_People Archive
10 Jan
The Comedian's Eye View of 01/10/97

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Fri, 10 Jan 97 00:55:30 -0800
To: Fun_People
Subject: The Comedian's Eye View of 01/10/97

Excerpted-from: 01/10/97 -- ShopTalk

                       Friday January 10, 1997

"Famed Anthropologist Mary Leakey died at the age of 83. Leakey
 was buried near her home, where she will rest in peace, until
 some nosy anthropologist digs her up."

			- Norm MacDonald

                               &&&&&&&&&&

Annals of Television: Two men whose fishing boat sank near Hawaii on Dec.
9 were rescued from a raft this week. "However," Premiere Morning Sickness
reports, "after hearing that Tom Arnold would be starring in another sitcom,
Richard Enslow and David Summers quickly paddled back out to sea."

The Bryant Gumbel farewell garnered the highest.  "Today Show" ratings in
seven years.  "It just goes to show that if you give the viewers what they
want, they'll tune in," says Bob Mills.

After becoming one of Comedy Central's most popular shows, Bill Maher's
"Politically Incorrect" made its network TV debut on ABC this week.  "This
exposes a much bigger audience to jokes they won't get," says the Olympia
Daily World.

Science Watch: Government and auto industry officials are debating which
crash dummies best imitate humans in accidents.  Says Paul Ryan, "They can't
decide whether it's the ones who play with the radio and do their makeup,
or the ones who eat Danishes and spill hot coffee in their laps."

"Hewlett Packard has developed a $54,000 atomic clock that will keep the
correct time for the next 1.6 million years.  The only problem: It keeps
flashing 12:00." (Ryan)

In the news: "In California, flooding washed away entire communities,
blizzards trapped towns up north, and windstorms destroyed power for 200,000
in Los Angeles.  If California were a fight, they'd stop it." (Argus
Hamilton)

First Lady Hillary Rodham Clinton has been nominated for a Grammy for her
work on the audio version of her book, "It Takes A Village." "Rumors are
surfacing that Mrs. Clinton will perform at the Grammys with her current
band, the Special Prosecutors."  (Bill Edwards)

"NBC forward Robert Horry was suspended for two games for throwing a towel
in his coach's face.  Fans expressed shock.  A Suns player had hit something
he was aiming at." (Alan Ray)

Now that the Dodgers are up for sale, there's talk of bringing them back to
Brooklyn.  Says Johnny Robish, "If this keeps up, the only professional
sports L.A. will have left will be high speed chases."

In any case, they'll always be the bums: Alex Kaseberg on the news that the
Dodgers are for sale: "Bob Dole said, 'I sure hope whoever buys them doesn't
take them out of Brooklyn.'"

Jerry Perisho: "The only other 'family-owned' business that compares to the
longevity of the Dodgers would be the Teamsters."

"Here now are the NFL match-ups for next weekend," says David Letterman.
"You have the Patriots vs. The Jaguars, you have the Packers vs. the
Panthers, you have the People vs. the Dallas Cowboys."

© 1997 Peter Langston