Fun_People Archive
8 Jan
The Comedian's Eye View of 01/09/97

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Wed,  8 Jan 97 18:31:19 -0800
To: Fun_People
Subject: The Comedian's Eye View of 01/09/97

Excerpted-from: 01/09/97 -- ShopTalk

                      Thursday January 9, 1997

"When asked what he thought of the Yankees' victory, Bob Dole said he
was surprised because the South was doing so well and that Robert E.
Lee seemed to have things under control."

			- Rosie O'Donnell

                               &&&&&&&&&&

The Sporting Life: The Dodgers are for sale.  "Bob Dole said, 'I sure hope
whoever buys them doesn't take them out of Brooklyn.'" (Alex Kaseberg)

"Team members had an inkling something like this might happen when Peter
O'Malley recently made bids on two free agents and a real estate agent,"
says Bob Mills.

"Reporters at the press conference were your typical LA crowd: didn't show
up until the third sound bite, then started heading for the parking lot
during the eighth."  (Jenny Church)

"Michael Ovitz could afford to buy them if he could just manage to get fired
from Disney two more times." (Mills)

"All reasonable offers will be considered for a period of six months of the
'sell by' date on the Dodger dogs, whichever comes first." (Mills)

"Maybe the Mets will buy them.  They could use a baseball team." (Kaseberg)

Are the Dallas Cowboys still America's team?  "Sure, if you think Americans
are violent, stoned and watching the playoffs on TV." (Cutler Daily Scoop)

Fitness Report: IN Living Fit magazine, Jane Fonda was quoted as saying that
what matters most is what is inside a person.  "And if there's too much
inside, there's always liposuction," says Gary Easley.

An NBC report says that two-thirds of women in a recent poll said they would
rather be mean or stupid than fat.  "The other third said they'd rather be
fat than mean or stupid just as long as they were still skinnier than the
other two-thirds of women in the poll." (Joshua Sostrin)

Mattel has announced it will recall the Cabbage Patch Snacktime Kids doll.
"Executives made the decision only after consulting with the Cabbage Patch
Corporate Attorney and Cabbage Patch PR dolls," says Sostrin.

"Also in the interests of safety, Mattel has been forced to put on hold the
plans for the Cabbage Patch Streetfighter Kids." (Mike Reeder)

Michael Jordan cologne breaks records with $35 million in sales over the
holidays.  "Bachelors are said to love its seductive qualities," says Mills,
"At the beginning of a date, it smells like the inside of a locker room and
at the end it smells like money."
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