Fun_People Archive
4 Dec
The Blue M&Ms As A Race

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Wed,  4 Dec 96 12:45:39 -0800
To: Fun_People
Subject: The Blue M&Ms As A Race

Forwarded-by: Keith Bostic <bostic@bsdi.com>
Forwarded-by: Rob Mayoff <mayoff@tkg.com>
Forwarded-by: Curt Finch <curt@tkg.com>
Forwarded-by: John Strong (RhoTech) <a-jstron@microsoft.com>
Forwarded-by: Ralph Sanchez

Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the
strength and robustness of the candy as a species.  To this end, I hold M&M
duels.

Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure,
squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters.  That is
the"loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately.  The winner gets to go
another round.

I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the
newer blue ones are genetically inferior.  I have hypothesized that the blue
M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theatre of competition
that is the modern candy and snack-food world.

Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier,
or flatter than the rest.  Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness,
but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength.  In this way,
the species continues to adapt to its environment.

When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of
the herd.  Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it
neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc.,
Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please
use this M&M for breeding purposes."

This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2
pound bag of plain M&Ms.  I consider this "grant money."  I have set aside
the weekend for a grand tournament.  From a field of hundreds, we will
discover the True Champion.

There can be only one.

© 1996 Peter Langston