Fun_People Archive
25 Nov
If Computers Had Personalities

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Mon, 25 Nov 96 17:14:34 -0800
To: Fun_People
Subject: If Computers Had Personalities

Forwarded-by: Keith Bostic <bostic@bsdi.com>
Forwarded-by: Keith Sullivan <KSullivan@worldnet.att.net>

IF COMPUTERS HAD PERSONALITIES...

(User-Friendly)
C:\> DUR
Command not found. Try retyping

(User-Helpful)
C:\> DUR
I don't understand DUR. Do you mean DIR?

(User-Patronizing)
C:\> DUR
Now, that's not quite right is it? Let's try again; this time, use
the manual that the nice salesperson gave you when you bought me.

(User-Obsequious)
C:\> DUR
I'm so very, very sorry but I don't understand that. I'm sure it
was my fault, but if you would please try again I'll do my best.

(User-Analytical)
C:\> DUR
What makes you say that?
C:\> A TYPING MISTAKE
How long have you been making these mistakes?
C:\> OH, BANANAS
Do you like bananas?
C:\> I LOVE THEM
Why do you bring up the subject of love?

(User-McDonald's)
May I help you please?
C:\> DUR
I'm sorry but that command is not available at this time.
Have a nice day.
C:\> DIR
Will that be an MS-DOS directory?
C:\> YES
To read here, or for printout to take away?
C:\> HERE
Thank you. Have a nice day.

(User-Megalomaniac)
C:\> DUR
Don't bother me with trivial requests -- I'm busy.

(User-Hostile)
C:\> DUR
Ha! A mistake! I'm sure you meant to say FORMAT, so that's what I'll
do.

(User-Sarcastic)
C:\> DUR
Well, Look who's made a mistake then. Very unusual, I don't think.

(User-Insulting)
C:\> DUR
You Idiot
C:\> DIR
You Idiot

(User-Smug)
C:\> DUR
No
C:\> DOR
Nope
C:\> HELP
No
C:\> PLEASE
Not unless you give me a 300Mb hard disk to live on.
C:\> JERK
Abuse will get you nowhere

David A. Rinke II <drinkeii@erie.net>

© 1996 Peter Langston