Fun_People Archive
13 Nov
Tapeworm Cure

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Wed, 13 Nov 96 17:23:44 -0800
To: Fun_People
Subject: Tapeworm Cure
References: <9611131828.AA18950@gigi.Thinkbank.COM>

I was first told this joke by my girlfriend twenty years ago... it still  
cracks me up... I don't know why... -psl]

Forwarded-by: chuck@NYC.Thinkbank.COM (Chuck Ocheret)
Forwarded-by: em130@columbia.edu
Forwarded-by: Michael Pratt <PRATTM@pfizer.com>
Forwarded-by: ...

A man walks into the doctor's office, saying he's worried he might have a
tapeworm.  The doctor makes a careful physical examination and concurs with
the man's self-diagnosis. "Tapeworms are extremely tenacious; they're nearly
impossible to get rid of using conventional means." says the doctor "But
... there is one effective alternative treatment..." The man interrupts
"Doctor, Please help me.  I'll do anything to get rid of this tapeworm!"
"Very well, I want you to come back tomorrow and bring a large banana and
a cookie with you."

Despite the odd request, the man returns the next day with a banana and a
cookie. The doctor says "Okay, drop your pants and bend over.  You're going
to feel this a little."  Although he knows this surely means it's going to
hurt, the man drops his pants and bends over.  The doctor peels the banana
and with one deft motion pushes it up the man's ass.  While the doctor calmly
consults his watch, the man is forced to stay bent over in bug-eyed amazement.

"Okay, one minute is up; now the cookie."  And the doctor takes the cookie
and puts it where the banana went!  "That's very good!  You can stand up
and get dressed now.  Tomorrow I want to see you here at the same time, and
don't forget the banana and the cookie" says the doctor. The astonished man
can only nod his head.

The next day, the same routine ensues. First the man drops his pants and
bends over, then the doctor rams up a banana, waits exactly one minute, rams
up a cookie, and then the man gets dressed and leaves.  And the next day,
and the next day and the next!!  Every day DOWN go the pants, UP goes a
banana, wait one minute, UP goes a cookie, then UP go the pants.  The man
is almost getting used to it.

After a full week of treatments, the doctor says "Well, tomorrow is the LAST
day of treatments. I want you to bring in a banana and a hammer." "Not a
cookie?" asks the alarmed man, trying to imagine what a hammer was going to
feel like.  "Nope, a hammer" confirms the doctor.

The last day arrives and the man shows up with the prescribed items.  The
doctor says "Okay, you know the routine". So the man worriedly drops his
pants and bends over. UP goes the banana, the doctor looks at his watch,
and picks up the hammer. One minute passes. Then two minutes. Three. By now
the man is sweating bullets.  Four minutes pass.  ... Then a little tapeworm
head pokes out:  "HEY!  Where's My Cookie?"  * * WHAM! * *
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