Fun_People Archive
1 Nov
Jargon update

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Fri,  1 Nov 96 14:00:02 -0800
To: Fun_People
Subject: Jargon update

Forwarded-by: Keith Bostic <bostic@bsdi.com>
Forwarded-by: Rob Mayoff <mayoff@tkg.com>
Forwarded-by: Tim Walding <walding@tkg.austin.ibm.com>

   Dilberted
To be exploited and oppressed by your boss. Derived from the experiences of
Dilbert, the geek-in-hell comic strip character. "I've been dilberted again.
The old man revised the specs for the fourth time this week."

   Link Rot
The process by which links on a web page became as obsolete as the sites
they're connected to change location or die.

   Chip Jewelry
A euphamism for old computers destined to be scrapped or turned into
decorative ornaments. "I paid three grand for that Mac SE, and now it's
nothing but chip jewelry."

   Crapplet
A badly written or profoundly useless Java applet. "I just wasted 30 minutes
downloading this stinkin' crapplet!"

   Plug-and-Play
A new hire who doesn't need any training. "The new guy, John, is great.
He's totally plug-and-play."

   World Wide Wait
The real meaning of WWW.

   CGI Joe
A hard-core CGI script programmer with all the social skills and charisma
of a plastic action figure.

   Dorito Syndrome
Feelings of emptiness and dissatisfaction triggered by addictive substances
that lack nutritional content. "I just spent six hours surfing the Web, and
now I've got a bad case of Dorito Syndrome."

   Under Mouse Arrest
Getting busted for violating an online service's rule of conduct.  "Sorry
I couldn't get back to you. AOL put me under mouse arrest."

   Glazing
Corporate-speak for sleeping with your eyes open. A popular pastime at
conferences and early-morning meetings. "Didn't he notice that half the room
was glazing by the second session?"

   404
Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web message "404, URL Not
Found," meaning that the document you've tried to access can't be located.
"Don't bother asking him...he's 404, man."

   Dead Tree Edition
The paper version of a publication available in both paper and electronic
forms, as in: "The dead tree edition of the San Francisco Chronicle..."

   Egosurfing
Scanning the net, databases, print media, or research papers looking for
the mention of your name.  [Other people do that, too?  -peter NEAR langston]

   Graybar Land
The place you go while you're staring at a computer that's processing
something very slowly (while you watch the gray bar creep across the
screen). "I was in graybar land for what seemed like hours, thanks to that
CAD rendering."

     Open-Collar Workers
People who work at home or telecommute.

   Squirt The Bird
To transmit a signal up to a satellite. "Crew and talent are ready...what
time do we squirt the bird?"

   Brain Fart
A biproduct of a bloated mind producing information effortlessly.  A burst
of useful information. "I know you're busy on the Microsoft story, but can
you give us a brain fart on the Mitnik bust?" Variation of old hacker slang
that had more negative connotations.

   Cobweb Site
A World Wide Web Site that hasn't been updated for a long time.  A dead web
page.

   It's a Feature
Taken from the adage "It's not a bug, it's a feature."  Used sarcastically
to describe an unpleasant experience that you wish to gloss over.

   Keyboard Plaque
The disgusting buildup of dirt and crud found on computer keyboards. "Are
there any other terminals I can use? This one has a bad case of keyboard
plaque."

   Career-Limiting Move (CLM)
Used among microserfs to describe an ill-advised activity.  Trashing your
boss while he or she is within earshot is a serious CLM.

   Elvis Year
The peak year of something's popularity. "Barney the dinosaur's Elvis year
was 1993."

      Alpha Geek
The most knowledgable, technically proficient person in an office or work
group. "Ask Larry, he's the alpha geek around here."

    Adminisphere
The rarified organizational layers beginning just above the rack and file.
Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate
or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.

   Tourists
People who are taking training classes just to get a vacation from their
jobs. "We had about three serious students in the class; the rest were
tourists."

   Blowing Your Buffer
Losing one's train of thought. Occurs when the person you are speaking with
won't let you get a word in edgewise or has just said something so
astonishing that your train gets derailed. "Damn, I just blew my buffer!"

    Gray Matter
Older, experienced business people hired by young entrepreneurial firms
looking to appear more reputable and established.

   Bookmark
To take note of a person for future reference (a metaphor borrowed from web
browsers). "I bookmarked him after seeing his cool demo at Siggraph."

   Nyetscape
Nickname for AOL's less-than-full-featured Web browser.

   Beepilepsy
The brief seizure people sometimes suffer when their beepers go off,
especially in vibrator mode. Characterized by physical spasms, goofy facial
expressions, and stopping speech in mid-sentence.

     Salmon Day
The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get
screwed in the end.

© 1996 Peter Langston