Fun_People Archive
29 Oct
Dr. Verne's White Trash Etiquette

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Tue, 29 Oct 96 11:21:49 -0800
To: Fun_People
Subject: Dr. Verne's White Trash Etiquette

Forwarded-by: Keith Bostic <bostic@bsdi.com>
Forwarded-by: "Keith's Mostly Clean Humor List" <KSullivan@worldnet.att.net>
From: City View (Des Moines, Iowa), October 16, 1996

DR. VERNE'S WHITE TRASH ETIQUETTE

Dear Dr. Verne:

    Lately I been working at this customer service job while I look for
something more manly.  I know what you're thinking, Verne, but I got to
get beer money someplace.
    Anyways, the job itself is bad enough, but here's my real beef:  they
got these uptight chicks who eavesdrop on your calls and then call you
over to "discuss" them.  Then you got to listen while they bust your balls
for not being a big enough candy-ass with the customers.
    So here's my question, Verne:  Do I still got time to get out or has
this job already turned me into a mama's boy?

-- Wussified in West Des Moines

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Dear Wussified:

    Don't be so hard on yourself.  If you ain't wearing pastel sweaters,
you's still okay.  You already recognize you're a pussy and that's the
first step toward recovery.
    Sometimes a man's gotta humble hisself to bring home the brewskies.
At least you ain't mooching off your in-laws.  But you gotta be careful.
Living in West Des Moines and working a sissy job can lead you down what
you call your path of ruination.  First you start shopping at the Gap.
Then you trade your chainsaw in for a 200 hp blowdryer.  Before you knows
it, you go completely fruity and start wearing Dockers and them sunglasses
with a string tied on 'em.  I'll clue you in: Just say no.
    If you gotta work a pussy job, just start talking to customers about
the lines for Sunday's games.  If you keep saying manly stuff like, "I'm
thinking about taking the points and New England" or, "I like Green Bay
and the under on the count of San Fran looks a little dainty this year,
if yous asking me," then you'll continue to harbor manly thoughts despite
your pussy environment.  If that don't work, quit you job and live under
a bridge.

Dr. Verne <bpc@mail.commonlink.com>
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