Fun_People Archive
22 Oct
Cooters on a log.

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Tue, 22 Oct 96 18:56:06 -0700
To: Fun_People
Subject: Cooters on a log.

Forwarded-by: Keith Bostic <bostic@bsdi.com>
Forwarded-by: daspiro@erols.com
Forwarded-by: BROOMES40@aol.com
Forwarded-by: nylawboy@postoffice.worldnet.att.net (Peter C. Frank)
Forwarded-by: David_Mitchell@cbclegal.com
 [responded alk.klm?]

COLLECTION OF LATEST LEGISLATIVE OOPS OF THE TONGUE
	-- by: Jack Wardlaw, The Little Man

Drum roll, please!
It's time for the annual Tongue-Slipper Awards, for the best quips, busted
metaphors, unintentional misstatements, dangling modifiers and Freudian
slips of the just-completed Louisiana Legislative session.  Such as when
Rep. Avery Alexander, D-New Orleans, told the House:  "I don't know anyone
here that's been killed with a handgun." For starters, here are the
winners in the "Truth in Legislative" category:

* "I can't believe that we are going to let a majority of the people
decide what is best for this state."
	-- Rep. John Travis, D-Jackson.

* "This amendment does more damage than it does harm."
	-- Rep. Cynthia Willard-Lewis, D-New Orleans.

* "I think we have passed something that we didn't want to do."
	-- Rep. Chuck McMains, R-Baton Rouge.

* "Y'all are hurting my tender ears.  I would appreciate it if y'all
   would scream one at a time."
	-- House Speaker John Alario, D-Westwego.

* Rep. Wilfred Pierre, D-Lafayette: "The Knights of Peter Claver
	is a large Catholic organization."
  Rep. Juba Diez, D-Gonzales: "I'm a large Catholic, and I don't belong
	to it."

* "I was 15 years old before I ate my first chicken without tire tracks."
	-- Rep. Jay McCallum, D-Farmerville.

The Legislative Staff Award goes to the female staffer who was told that
the gill net bill was coming up the next day and confided that she had
to go home and coordinate the next day's outfit with her fishnet
stockings.

And there's the Senate staffer who asked Sen. Donald Hines, D-Bunkie (a
medical doctor), whether he preferred being addressed as "doctor" or
"senator."  He responded:

	"I guess it depends on what kind of a problem you want me to
	 solve."

And finally, the Metaphor of the Year award goes to Sen. B.B. "Sixty"
Rayburn, D-Bogalusa, who -- while describing how it is to run a gauntlet
of lobbyists to get to the Senate chamber--- said:

	"They're lined up like cooters on a log on a sunshiny day."

© 1996 Peter Langston