Fun_People Archive
22 Oct
The Comedian's Eye View of10/22/96

Content-Type: text/plain
Mime-Version: 1.0 (NeXT Mail 3.3 v118.2)
From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Tue, 22 Oct 96 11:34:33 -0700
To: Fun_People
Subject: The Comedian's Eye View of10/22/96

Excerpted-from: 10/22/96 -- ShopTalk

                       Tuesday October 22, 1996

To get to the series, the Braves creamed the Cardinals, 15-0, in Game 7 of
the NL playoffs.  Says Bob Mills, "Trailing 13-0 in the sixth inning, the
Cardinals through down their bats and attacked the Braves on the character
issue."

In the news: The Democrats reportedly raised $50,000 from Buddhist monks in
Los Angeles.  That's odd, because they had taken a vow of poverty.  Says
Argus Hamilton, "They all just met with Clinton's lawyers and the vow of
silence is next."

A 70-year-old man was jailed in Edna, Texas, after a state trooper pulled
him over and found 3 million Valium pills in his car.  Says Perisho, "You
may not have heard of Edna. It's a sleepy little town..."

San Francisco hosted a big accordion festival this past weekend.  Says
Mills, "When the Monterey Jazz Festival heard about it, it pulled up stakes
and moved farther down the coast."

Adds the Cutler Daily Scoop, "Sales of accordions have increased 36%.  So
maybe the rise in teen drug use isn't the most disturbing trend in society."

The National Enquirer says Tori Spelling's weight has dropped to 95 pounds.
Says Premiere Morning Sickness,  "Spelling insists she doesn't have a
problem, she's just trying to get back to her original weight of 7 pounds,
3 ounces."

Le Cirque d' OJ: A jury has been seated for the OJ Simpson civil trial:

"In order to get a mixed group whose members are not familiar with the case,
the jury is composed of three Tasmanians, three contestants from the 'Wheel
of Fortune,' four space aliens, a cocker spaniel and a dead guy."  (Olympia
Daily World)

"The jurors only get $15 a day. OJ's lawyer was told that even in Alabama
jurors get $25 a day.  He said, 'No, thanks, we'll take our chances in Santa
Monica.'" (Hamilton)
prev [=] prev © 1996 Peter Langston []