Fun_People Archive
21 Oct
Hot Hollywood Gossip

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Mon, 21 Oct 96 21:15:13 -0700
To: Fun_People
Subject: Hot Hollywood Gossip

Forwarded-by: Eric Steese <ecscc@olywa.net>
Forwarded-by: kgreene@olywa.net
From: Samira Kauthar-Carrol <Samirak@cted.wa.gov>
From: "Schlueter, Adrian" <AdrianS@atg.wa.gov>


            HOT HOLLYWOOD GOSSIP!!!
               OVER 9,400 subscribers!!!!!
               Steve Gordon, Editor
                  Sample Issue


John F. Kennedy Jr. once arrived home after a hard day of... whatever he
does, to find MADONNA wrapped in nothing but plastic wrap.(Star)
 Thoughts:
1) If he put her in the fridge for later, would Madonna spoil?
2) Do you think JFK Jr has a kitchen cabinet where he keeps all his admiring
   women for later snacks?

***********************************************

HEATHER LOCKLEAR felt the need to have her chest enlarged not once but
TWICE! (Star).
 Thoughts.
1) That's nice. But if she wanted to keep adjusting her size, why didn't
   she just leave a little hole where she could insert an air pump?
2) If Heather ever springs a leak, do you think she would walk around
   dripping silicone?

***********************************************

SHARON STONE onced slammed a boyfriend's ACTIVE AREAS into a door.(Globe)
 Thoughts:
1)  How exactly does she do this?

STEP 1:  THE SEDUCTION
Sharon reaches over, kissing the unsuspecting man.  "Take off your clothes,"
she croons.  "Take them all off."

STEP 2:  POSITIONING
Sharon lures the man into the right position.  If she is able to distract
him, he does not notice that they are slowly moving towards a doorway while
they are hugging.

STEP 3:  FINAL POSITIONING
Sharon takes a step away, eyeing both the door frame and her target.  "Don't
move," she says, "I always want to remember you in this way."

STEP 4:  FINAL DISTRACTION
"Look up!" says Sharon.  "Is that a crack I see in the ceiling!"  She grips
the door handle tightly.

STEP 5:  EXECUTION
Sharon slams the door as hard as she can.

WHAM!  As the man writhes in agony on the floor, she steps over his body,
saying, "You better get out of here before I find the icepick."

***************************************************

MATT LEBLANC ("Friends") "caught the eye of a busty young lady in a chic
restaurant. And within 15 minutes the pair were headed hand in hand to the
ladies room.  They spent almost a half an hour alone... before Matt emerged
lookming rumpled and disheveled."(Enquirer)
 Thoughts:
1)  Matt must have a great pickup line, to get a complete stranger to sleep
   with him in less than fifteen minutes of talking.  What do you suppose he
   says?

POSSIBLE PICKUP LINES OF MATT LEBLANC:

a)  "Hi, I'm Matt LeBlanc, the star of Friends.  You're looking very
    beautiful tonight.  Would you like to go to the ladies room with me?"
b)  Matt LeBlanc, Friends.  I'd like to get to know you better...  why don't
    we go to the women's bathroom?
c)  LeBlanc, Friends.  Hey, why don't we go to the ladies room?  I'll bet
    you flush a mean toilet!
d)  LeBlanc.  Friends.  Bathroom.  Now.

.........................................................................

2)  If you go to a famous Hollywood restaurant and there is a long line to
   get into the women's bathroom, do you suppose that means that Matt
   LeBlanc is having a long night?

3)  I'm still focused on that time.  Seduction in 15 minutes!

How long do you suppose it would have taken other stars?
a)  Brad Pitt--2 minutes
b)  Sean Connery--4 minutes (9 minutes, w/o toupee)
c)  Jim Carrey--6 minutes (12 minutes, after "Cable Guy")
d)  Michael Douglas--8 minutes (only if wife is around--works best under
    pressure)
e)  Madonna--3 minutes (but with guys, 7 minutes)


**********************************************
BROOKE SHIELDS sexed Superman's Dean Cain when she was 18, even though she
was a poster girl for teens who said "no" to sex.(Star)
 Thoughts:
1) Waaaaaait a minute.  Brooke was stark nude grinding her body against
   another guy on a beach for 40 minutes in "Blue Lagoon" and she was a
   postergirl for teens who said "no"?
2) Speaking of Blue Lagoon, didn't Brooke do a really convincing acting job
   when she said to the guy in the movie, "What is sex?  What's a man?  I
   have these strange feelings, but don't know how to deal with them!  By
   the way, does your family have a lot of money?"

*****************************************

SEINFELD claims he comes up with his "best material" in the middle of the
night so he bought his buxom girlfriend SHOSHONNA a life-sized Jerry doll
so she won't get lonely when he gets up at night.(Globe)
 Thoughts:
1) If Shoshonna isn't getting his "best material", then who is?
2) When the dummy is substituted for Seinfeld, does Shoshonna notice the
   difference?  Or any reduction in performance?
3) If Seinfeld is worried that his YOUNG YOUNG girlfriend thinks him old
   and lethargic, how do you think he feels when he returns to the bedroom and
   finds SHOSHONNA and the dummy looking relaxed and each smoking cigarettes?


********************************************

X-FILES star DAVID DUCHOVNY is DENYING published reports that he is a "sex
addict" and that he is a member of "Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous" a sort
of "AA group for sex addicts", although he admits that "staying monogamous
requires constant viligence"(Enquirer)
 Thoughts:
1) Sex and Love Anonymous?  Can you imagine?
[Michael Douglas, Charlie Sheen, Matt LeBlanc and David Duchovny sitting
around in a circle]
 Moderator:  "Michael?  Do you have something to say?"
 Douglas: "Yes... it's been 8 days since I've had anyone... other than my
    wife."
 LeBlanc:  "One woman in 8 days!  I've had 8!"
 Sheen:  "Really?  Do you still have their phone numbers?"
2) When people are addicted to smoking they give them a substitute to chew
   on to wean them off smoking. In this case, do you think they give the
   addicts women substitutes--Corporal Klinger and RuPaul--to chew on?
3) Now, David said that "staying monogamous requires constant viligence."
   Do you think if he gets distracted for 10 minutes, he can suddenly focus
   to find himself in bed with a pretty woman?
David:  "Oh no, not again!"

******************************************
PAMELA ANDERSON's husband TOMMY LEE had an inscription put on a "very
private part" declaring his love for his wife.(Star)
 Thoughts:
1) Tommy Lee used to be married to Heather Locklear.  Do you think PAM's
   done any checking for hidden messages down there?
2) What sort of message do you think is written there?  We have some
   guesses:
SLOGANS TOMMY LEE MAY HAVE WRITTEN ON HIS... WELL, YOU KNOW
a)  "Remember me?"
b)  "Back for more!"
c)  "To go boldly where no man has gone before!"
d)  "To go boldly where no one has gone before!"
e)  "I came, I saw, I left."
f)  "Over 1,000,000 served."
g)  "Been there, done that."

************************************************

PRINCESS DI DEMANDS sex five times a night from married men.(Star)
 Thoughts:
1) Every hour on the hour?  When she's in bed with a married man, do you
   think he breaks out in a sweat everytime he hears the chimes of Big Ben?
2) And what's with the married men?
Di:  "So... are you married?"
Chap #24:  "Why, yes."
Di:  "Ooooohhhh.... Meet me in the palace at midnight. The password to give
to the palace seargant of the guard is 'Royal Oats.'"
3) The article said they did it in the palace. Do you suppose they did it
   on the throne?
Queen, walking by the throne room:  "Cadberry, whatever is this
do-not-disturb sign doing on the door?"

© 1996 Peter Langston