Fun_People Archive
21 Oct
Quote, unquote - enough thoughtful quotes for 24 QsOTD

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Mon, 21 Oct 96 11:04:17 -0700
To: Fun_People
Subject: Quote, unquote - enough thoughtful quotes for 24 QsOTD

Forwarded-by: Sapoznik@aol.com

"Parking for Drive-Through Customers Only"
  -- sign in a parking lot at a fast-food restaurant, quoted by Herb Caen
     in the San Francisco Chronicle

"Mr. Speaker, will you please turn me on?"
  -- Georgia state representative Anne Mueller, complaining to the Georgia
     speaker Tom Murphy that her microphone was turned off.  Speaker Murphy
     responded:  "Thirty years ago, I would have tried."

"We've got to pause and ask ourselves:  How much clean air do we need?"
  -- Lee Iacocca, on Detroit's resistance to tougher auto emission standards

"If we do not succeed, then we run the risk of failure."
  -- Vice President Dan Quayle, in a speech to the Phoenix (Arizona)
     Republican Forum, March 1990

"We're overpaying him but he's worth it."
  -- movie mogul Samuel Goldwyn

"Women prefer Democrats to men."
  -- Representative Tony Coelho (D-California)

"Stuffed egg-plant with minced crap."
  -- From a menu at the upscale Jade Garden restaurant in Swire House, Sydney,
     Australia

"The evening will conclude with a toast to the incoming president in champagne
kindly supplied by the outgoing president, drunk as usual at midnight."
  -- brochure for a club's annual dinner

"And now the sequence of events in no particular order."
  -- Dan Rather, CBS news anchor, during a radio broadcast

"We haven't had any problem here about race.  We just don't go for letting
the colored ones in."
  -- Rainbow Girls leader in Branford, Connecticut, commenting in the New
     Haven Register about the fact that blacks were not allowed to become
     Rainbow Girls

"Drug Store Body.  Let's get the Good Shape and have a sexy body just like
a pig."
  -- slogan on a pair of Japanese overalls

"It's got lots of installation."
  -- Mike Smith, Cincinnati Reds relief pitcher, extolling the virtues of
     his new coat

"I will now open these trousers, and reveal some even more precious
treasures to Your Royal Highness."
  -- the archbishop of Uppsala, Sweden, trying to impress an English royal
     visitor with his knowledge of English

"I am not wanting to make too long speech tonight as I am knowing your old
English saying, "Early to bed and up with the cock.""
  -- Hungarian diplomat, in a speech to an embassy party

"After the war, France and England should join hands and make a formidable
fart."
  --  (translated) the Duke of Windsor, talking to French troops during
     World War II, and mistakenly using the masculine article, which changed
     the meaning of his words

"Sure I've got one.  It's a perfect twenty-twenty."
  -- Duane Thomas, Dallas Cowboys halfback, answering a question on whether
     he has an IQ

"Makes your fingers fall off."
  --Kentucky Fried Chicken ad, mistranslated abroad

"The only way we'll ever get a volunteer army is to draft them."
  -- Chairman of the House Committee on Armed Services F. Edward Hebert.
     He was serious.

"The only thing to prevent what's past is to put a stop to it before it
happens."
  -- attributed to Sir Boyle Roche, eighteenth-century member of Parliament
     from Tralee, famed for his word-mangling

"Upon arrival at Kimpo and Kimhae Airport, please Wear your Clothes."
  -- from a Korean steel mill invitation

"Open seven days a week, excluding Sundays!"
  -- Sign on a Kentucky Fried Chicken store

Movie mogul Samuel Goldwyn, debating whether to buy The Children's
Hour by Lillian Hellman:  "Maybe we should buy it?"
Merrit Hulburd:  "Forget it, Mr. Goldwyn.  It's about lesbians."
Goldwyn:  "Don't worry about that.  We'll make them Americans."

"Space is almost infinite.  As a matter of fact, we think it is infinite."
  -- Vice President Dan Quayle, in remarks made while he was head of the
     Space Council

"I've read about foreign policy and studied -- I know the number of
continents."
  -- George Wallace, campaigning in the 1968 presidential race

© 1996 Peter Langston