Fun_People Archive
18 Oct
The Comedian's Eye View from 10/18/96

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Fri, 18 Oct 96 00:29:54 -0700
To: Fun_People
Subject: The Comedian's Eye View from 10/18/96

xcerpted-from: 10/18/96 -- ShopTalk

                       Friday October 18, 1996

I'm rubber, you're glue: At the presidential debate in San Diego on Wed.,
members of the audience raised serious questions about leadership in the
21st century.  Says Alan Ray, "Unfortunately, so do both of the candidates."

Adds Bill Maher, "Every network carried the debate.  Actually, NBC showed
'Men Behaving Badly' figuring no one would notice."

President Clinton's medical records show that his worst problems are
hoarseness, allergies and weight control.  Says Maher, "His doctor said she
has no idea what could possibly give a guy a scratchy throat, red eyes, and
the munchies."

On their 21st anniversary, Clinton took Hillary to campaign headquarters,
then to see the AIDS quilt.  Then he went out to play golf.  Says Argus
Hamilton, "It would serve him right if she testified against him."

In the news: An Australian doctor is putting a euthanasia instruction kit
on the Internet.  Says Ray, "He's in direct competition with another big
name in the assisted-suicide business: Philip Morris."

The New York Yankees gave box seats to that 12-year-old who turned a fly
ball into a home run.  Says Hamilton, "The kid's a natural.  Next he
demanded $10 million a season, threatened to go on strike, and spit on an
umpire."

Heavyweight boxer Peter McNeeley, who lasted just 89 seconds against Mike
Tyson, passed out near a sandwich shop in Massachusetts.  Says Jerry
Perisho, "There are unconfirmed reports that he was exhausted after actually
trying to punch his way out of a paper bag."

Jane Fonda, a recovering bulimic, has written a book about healthy eating.
Says Alex Kaseberg, "What's next- the Robert Downey Jr.  exercise video or
the Kelsey Grammer guide to better driving?"

Strike a pose: The race is on to get the first photo of Madonna's new baby.
Says Alex Pearlstein, "There were supposed to be photos already, but 'Hard
Copy' apparently had technical difficulties with its FallopianCam."
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