Fun_People Archive
11 Oct
The Comedian's Eye View of 10-11-96

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Fri, 11 Oct 96 10:31:20 -0700
To: Fun_People
Subject: The Comedian's Eye View of 10-11-96

Excerpted-from: 10-11-96 ShopTalk

                           Friday October 11, 1996

Bozo's Big Top: Politics really is the greatest show on Earth, says Kenny
Noble.  "When Bob Dole called President Clinton 'Bozo,' what he meant was
'Ronald McDonald.'"

How 'bout that vice presidential debate? The two candidates couldn't be more
different, says Alan Ray.  "One has been out of the limelight for four
years.  The other used to play pro football."

According to a new book on relationships, one out of every five men in
America is stuck in a relationship he can't wait to get out of.  Says Steve
Voldseth, "But enough about Jack Kemp."

What's next, asks the Cutler Daily Scoop, a debate between Clinton's cat,
Socks, and Dole's dog, Leader?  "Ross Perot is suing to make sure Aarty the
Job-Sucking Aardvark is included.  To prepare, Socks is holding mock debates
with Dick Morris playing Leader."

In the news: Anaheim voted to spend millions to help Disney expand its
Orange County empire with a second theme park.  Says Paul Ecker, "Over at
Disneyland, the whole crew was heard singing, 'It's not a small world after
all, it's not a small world after all...'"

The American League playoff opener between the Orioles and the Yankees was
rained out.  Says Argus Hamilton, "The umpires got soaked in the downpour.
Major league baseball stuck to its policy and suspended God for five games."

Los Angeles unveiled its new "stealth" bus, made from materials similar to
those used in the B-2 bomber.  Says Jenny Church, "LA has had stealth buses
for years.  You can wait at a bus stop all day and never see one."

On TV, Mark Fuhrman apologized for using offensive language.  Says Hamilton,
"If he's man enough to say he's sorry, maybe OJ can apologize for driving
so slow on the San Diego Freeway and we can all get on with our lives out
here."

CBS placed first in the weekly Nielsens!  Says Cutler, "Nobody's laughing
at CBS this year...just like nobody was laughing at its comedies last year."

Ancient Wisdom: This week marks the anniversary of the birth of famed
Chinese philosopher Confucius in 551 BC.  Says Jerry Perisho, "Many of his
wise statements still apply today."  Among them:

 "He who spits in the face of authority will suffer great penalty...after
 the playoffs, of course."

 "When facing opposition with no original thoughts, always demand the other
 guy's medical records."

 "When facing unimaginable struggles and you have no idea what to do, bring
 back Cosby."

© 1996 Peter Langston