Fun_People Archive
10 Oct
The Comedian's Eye View from 10/10/96

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Thu, 10 Oct 96 16:16:46 -0700
To: Fun_People
Subject: The Comedian's Eye View from 10/10/96

Excerpted-from: 10/10/96 -- ShopTalk

                      Thursday October 10, 1996

     "Why did they bring Benjamin Netanyahu and Yasser Arafat to the
      White House?  Because if you're going to have an ugly fight over
      worthless land, you might as well have some advice from Hillary."
                                  Bill Maher


No child of mine...In a recent survey, 63% of parents said they would
not want their child to grow up to become president of the United
States:

"They would much prefer them to become president of Microsoft." (Joe
Kevany)

"They're holding out for real power...being the president's spouse."
(Cutler Daily Scoop)

"You know what this means... Bob Dole in 2012!" (Alex Pearlstein)

In the news: ABC broadcast Diane Sawyer's interview with Mark Fuhrman
last night on "PrimeTime Live." Says Paul Ecker, "Funny, I thought
'Dangerous Minds' was on Mondays."

Adds Kevany, "Fuhrman insists he is not a racist, though he admits he
needs to find some new terms of endearment."

Adds Ecker, "The interview wall about the 'N-word'...Nielsens."

The latest book about the OJ cases, "An American Tragedy," claims
Robert Kardashian, Johnnie Cochran and other defense team members
became convinced of Simpson's guilt by the end of the trial.  Says
Cutler, "About the same time his checks began bouncing."

In Massachusetts, a dog saved three people from a house fire by
licking one man's face until he woke up.  Says Jimmy McConnell,
"Unfortunately, the dog's breath knocked the man right back out and
the dog had to start all over."

Adds Premiere Morning Sickness, "The dog was later punished when it
was discovered he had been smoking in bed."

Finally, a decent explanation of why that woman was so eager to marry
serial killer Richard Ramirez.  Says Pat Ciesiak, "It appears she
misunderstood her mother's advice.  Mom didn't tell her to 'marry a
Night Stalker,' she said 'marry a nice doctor.'"

The city of Jackpot, Nev., acquired 30 acres from the federal
government.  Says Jerry Perisho, "For you folks who don't know where
Jackpot is, most people go through Heartbreak and Bankruptcy, then run
out of money just before they get there."

Says Premiere, "People are saying Madonna's performance in 'Evita' is so
cheesy, they may rename the film 'Velveeta.'"

© 1996 Peter Langston