Fun_People Archive
9 Oct
Eighteen More Aphorisms, #41 - #58

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Wed,  9 Oct 96 18:06:11 -0700
To: Fun_People
Subject: Eighteen More Aphorisms, #41 - #58

Forwarded-by: Jef Jaisun <eljefe@halcyon.com>
Forwarded-by: Captain <captain@iquest.net>


41.  My initial response was to sue her for defamation of character, but
    then I realized that I had no character.
     -- Charles Barkley, on hearing Tonya Harding proclaim herself
    "the Charles Barkley of figure skating"

42.  The most important thing in the programming language is the name.
    A language will not succeed without a good name. I have recently
    invented a very good name and now I am looking for a suitable
    language.  -- D. E. Knuth, 1967

43.  A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you
    least expect it.  That would make you quite unpopular in what's
    left of your unit. -- In the August 1993 issue, page 9, of PS
    magazine, the Army's magazine of preventive maintenance

44.  An Animated Cartoon Theology:
      1. People are animals.
      2. The body is mortal and subject to incredible pain.
      3. Life is antagonistic to the living.
      4. The flesh can be sawed, crushed, frozen, stretched, burned,
         bombed, and plucked for music.
      5. The dumb are abused by the smart and the smart destroyed by
         their own cunning.
      6. The small are tortured by the large and the large destroyed
         by their own momentum.
      7. We are able to walk on air, but only as long as our illusion
         supports us.
                -- E. L. Doctorow "The Book of Daniel"

45.  Suppose you were an idiot.  And suppose you were a member of
    Congress.  But I repeat myself. -- Mark Twain

46.  Calvin: People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they
    don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the
    world.
    Hobbes: Isn't your pants' zipper supposed to be in the front?

47.  On one occasion a student burst into his office.  "Professor
    Stigler, I don't believe I deserve this F you've given me."  To
    which Stigler replied, "I agree, but unfortunately it is the lowest
    grade the University will allow me to award."

48.  The overwhelming majority of people have more than the average
    (mean) number of legs.  -- E. Grebenik

49.  Old Yiddish proverb: "If triangles had a God, He'd have three
    sides."

50.  Don't worry about temptation--as you grow older, it starts avoiding
    you.  -- Old Farmer's Almanac

51.  G:   "If we do happen to step on a mine, Sir, what do we do?"
    EB:  "Normal procedure, Lieutenant, is to jump 200 feet in the air
          and scatter oneself over a wide area."
          -- Somewhere in No Man's Land, BA4

52.  The mind is not a vessel to be filled but a fire to be kindled.
     -- Plutarch

53.  Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, "Where have I gone
    wrong?"  Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than
    one night."
       -- Charlie Brown, _Peanuts_ [Charles Schulz]

54.  The only difference between me and a madman is that I am not mad.
    -- Salvador Dali

55.  What a distressing contrast there is between the radiant
    intelligence of the child and the feeble mentality of the average
    adult.    -- Sigmund Freud

56.  I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone,
    but they've always worked for me.  -- Hunter S. Thompson

57.  Sacred cows make the best hamburger.  -- Mark Twain

58.  "Time's fun when you're having flies."  -- Kermit the Frog
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