Fun_People Archive
4 Oct
Kids Say the Darndest Things -- Golly!

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Fri,  4 Oct 96 21:00:28 -0700
To: Fun_People
Subject: Kids Say the Darndest Things -- Golly!

Forwarded-by: "Jennifer Pardilla" <virgo@linkonline.net>
Forwarded-by: Cory Nelson <cen@marlboro.edu>
Forwarded-by: Deborah Bruce <bruce@marlboro.edu>
Forwarded-by: Jessica LaPlant <jl4@keene.edu>
Forwarded-by: Kim <kge1@keene.edu>
Forwarded-by: Greg Lepine <glepine@modicon.com>

Kids say the darndest things.  Some grade school teachers must agree
with that, because they keep journals of amusing things their students
have written in papers.  Here are a few examples:

 - The future of "I give" is "I take."
 - The parts of speech are lungs and air.
 - The inhabitants of Moscow are called Mosqitoes.
 - A census taker is man who goes from house to house increasing the
   population.
 - Water is composed of two gins. Oxygin and hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin.
   Hydrogin is gin and water.
 - (Define H2O and CO2.) H2O is hot water and CO2 is cold water.
 - A virgin forest is a forest where the hand of man has never set foot.
 - The general direction of the Alps is straight up.
 - A city purifies its water supply by filtering the water then forcing it
   through an aviator.
 - Most of the houses in France are made of plaster of Paris.
 - The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 oppossums.
 - The spinal column is a long bunch of bones.  The head sits on the top
   and you sit on the bottom.
 - We do not raise silk worms in the United States, because we get our silk
   from rayon. He is a larger worm and gives more silk.
 - One of the main causes of dust is janitors.
 - A scout obeys all to whom obedience is due and respects all duly
   constipated authorities.
 - One by-product of raising cattle is calves.
 - To prevent head colds, use an agonizer to spray into the nose until it
   drips into the throat.
 - The four seasons are salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
 - The climate is hottest next to the Creator.
 - Oliver Cromwell had a large red nose, but under it were deeply religious
   feelings.
 - The word trousers is an uncommon noun because it is singular at the top
   and plural at the bottom.
 - Syntax is all the money collected at the church from sinners.
 - The blood circulates through the body by flowing down one leg and up the
   other.
 - In spring, the salmon swim upstream to spoon.
 - Iron was discovered because someone smelt it.
 - In the middle of the 18th century, all the morons moved to Utah.
 - A person should take a bath once in the summer, not so often in the
   winter.

© 1996 Peter Langston