Fun_People Archive
3 Oct
What car owners are really saying

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Thu,  3 Oct 96 19:25:59 -0700
To: Fun_People
Subject: What car owners are really saying

Forwarded-by: Jef Jaisun <eljefe@halcyon.com>
Forwarded-by: Jason Herres <jasonh@isomedia.com>

Acura Integra           - I have always wanted to own the Buick of sports cars
Acura Legend            - I'm too bland for German cars
Acura NSX               - I am impotent
Audi 90                 - I enjoy putting out engine fires
Buick Park Avenue       - I am older than 34 of the 50 states
Cadillac Eldorado       - I am a very good Mary Kay salesman
Cadillac Seville        - I am a pimp
Chevrolet Camaro        - I enjoy beating the hell out of people
Chevrolet Chevette      - I like seeing people's reactions when I tell
				them I have a 'Vette
Chevrolet Corvette      - I'm in a mid-life crisis
Chevrolet El Camino     - I am leading a militia to overthrow the government
Chrysler Cordoba        - I dig the rich Corinthian leather
Datsun 280Z             - I have a kilo of cocaine in my wheel well
Dodge Dart              - I teach third grade special education and I
				voted for Eisenhower
Dodge Daytona           - I delivered pizza for four years to get this car
Ferrari Testarossa      - I am known to prematurely ejaculate
Ford Fairmont           - (See Dodge Dart)
Ford Mustang            - I slow down to 85 in school zones
Ford Crown Victoria     - I enjoy having people slow to 55mph and change
				lanes when I pull up behind them
Geo Storm               - I will start the 11th grade in the fall.
Geo Tracker             - I will start the 12th grade in the fall.
Honda del Sol           - I have always said, half a convertible is better
				than no convertible at all
Honda Civic             - I have just graduated and have no credit
Honda Accord            - I lack any originality and am basically a lemming.
Infiniti Q45            - I am a physician with 17 malpractice suits pending.
Isuzu Impulse           - I do not give a damn about J.D. Power or his
				reports.
Jaguar XJ6              - I am so rich I will pay 60K for a car that is in
				the shop 280 days per year.
Kia Sephia              - I learned nothing from the failure of Daihatsu Corp.
Lamborghini Countach    - I only have one testicle
Lincoln Town Car        - I live for bingo and covered dish suppers
Mercury Grand Marquis   - (See above)
Mercedes 500SL          - I will beat you up if you ask me for an autograph
Mercedes 560SEL         - I have a daughter named Bitsy and a son named Cole
Mazda Miata             - I do not fear being decapitated by an
				eighteen-wheeler
MGB                     - I am dating a mechanic
Mitsubishi Diamante     - I don't know what it means either
Nissan 300ZX            - I have yet to complete my divorce proceedings.
Oldsmobile Cutlass      - I just stole this car and I'm going to make a
				fortune off the parts
Peugeot 505 Diesel      - I am on the EPA's Ten Most Wanted List
Plymouth Neon           - I sincerely enjoy doing the Macarena
Pontiac Trans AM        - I have a switchblade in my sock
Porsche 911 Turbo       - I have a three inch thingie
Porsche 944             - I am dating big haired women that otherwise
				would be inaccessible to me
Rolls Royce Silver Shadow - I think Pat Buchannon is a tad bit too liberal
Saturn SC2              - (See Honda Civic)
Subaru Legacy           - I have always wanted a Japanese car even more
				inferior than Isuzu
Toyota Camry            - I am still in the closet
Volkswagon Beetle       - I still watch Partridge Family reruns
Volkswagon Cabriolet    - I am out of the closet
Volkswagon Microbus     - I am tripping right now
Volvo 740 Wagon         - I am frightened of my wife

© 1996 Peter Langston