Fun_People Archive
24 Sep
Chat Room Sex

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Tue, 24 Sep 96 13:08:14 -0700
To: Fun_People
Subject: Chat Room Sex

Forwarded-by: Keith Bostic <bostic@bsdi.com>
Forwarded-by: pp@doc.swip.net (Per Persson)
Forwarded-by: Harold lines <hlines@indirect.com>
From: "Dr. Greg Lousignont" <inetads@ix.netcom.com>
Newsgroups: alt.law-enforcement

I come back from vacation and look at this newsgroup and I still see the
same ol' stuff. So it's time to lighten up!  I'll try to help.

I suggest a visit to your favorite Chat Room where you can engage in some
of that Cyber Sex stuff, I just found out about this last night!

I was on Prodigy and I went to this Chat room.  It was named something
suggestive, but I can't remember which one it was.  Something like, "Horney
and Bald", or something like that.

OK so I get in there and man these people are talking some real shit back
and forth.  I can't believe it.  Somebody asks, "what's everyone wearing?"
And everyone starts responding about what they are wearing.  Girls were
saying they were wearing silk nighties, leather and lace, or nothing at all,
spikes, all kinds of kinky stuff.  Well hell, I was just wearing a T-shirt
and blue jeans and I felt sort of out of place.  So I hurried up and put on
a jock strap, my wife's bra, roller blades, ear muffs, and a ring of
bratwurst around my neck.

Suddenly I realize that certain people are asking other certain people if
they want to go to a private room and have Cyber Sex.  I wasn't quite sure
how this whole thing worked, so I asked, and members of the group explained
that you could send another person in the room a private message, and then
two members could talk back and forth without anyone else knowing, and
that's how you have Cyber Sex.  Way Cool!

OK, so I'm waiting, and one by one I keep seeing people ask other people if
they want to have Cyber Sex, and they say yeah IM me.  I found out that
means Immediate Message or something like that.  OK, so I wait some more,
'cause I know some really hot cyber chic babe is going to be asking me to
have some private cyber sex any minute now.

Well, I'm waiting and waiting, and nothing.  I'm thinking, how do they know
I'm getting bald, that I've been married 26 years, have three kids, and
sometimes when I have a choice of making love to my wife or taking a nap,
I choose the nap.  Hey, I figure I can get some sleep and dream about having
sex and kill two birds with one stone.  Geez, I'm 47 and I'm at that point
where my wife makes me have sex at least once a month whether I need to or
not.

I'm thinking this Cyber Sex thing will be great because I won't have to get
out of breath or, get up in the middle to take a pee, or anything.  But no
one sends me an invitation to join them.  Then I got a brain storm.

I wondered if I could send myself a private message.  Sure enough I could!
So I sent a message to myself asking me if I wanted to have Cyber Sex.
Well, I reluctantly agreed.  Once I was in the private room I started
telling myself what I was wearing, you know earmuffs and all.  Then the next
thing I knew I was saying some really lewd stuff to myself, man at first I
was really embarrassed and on some level offended by the things I was saying
to me.

But the next thing I knew I was really starting to get turned on, I was
saying things to myself like, "oh yeah, oh yeah baby, that's it, that's the
way I like it, you're the king, you're the king, oh jesus you're the chief
of police, you're the sheriff, go trooper, ride me like a K9 dog humping
the Sergeant's leg, oh god, oh god, cuff me, beat me, call me dirty names,
turn on your red light, scream like a siren....."

Man it was really getting hot, then just when it was really getting good I
said something about "my momma", well shit, that did it, I just lost it.
I really got pissed off and I started screaming at myself TYPING IN ALL CAPS
and shit, and I told myself that I was a no good insensitive asshole, I came
back with a reply that I was nothing but a Cyber Prick Teaser, and then I
said I couldn't believe that I would have done something like this with
someone as digusting a pig as me... well to make a long story short I told
myself "F   off you Cyber Slut", and I disconnected myself from me.

God I am so sick and ashamed of what I did I never want to talk to myself
again.  Do you think I cheated on my wife?  Should I tell her?

P.S.  Anybody want some slightly worn bratwurst?

© 1996 Peter Langston