Fun_People Archive
24 Sep
Drugs - Heroin Action Figures & Mr. McCurry's Dilemma

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Tue, 24 Sep 96 00:36:04 -0700
To: Fun_People
Subject: Drugs - Heroin Action Figures & Mr. McCurry's Dilemma

Forwarded-by: Keith Bostic <bostic@bsdi.com>
Forwarded-by: Keith Sullivan <KSullivan@worldnet.att.net>

NEW!!  HEROIN ACTION FIGURES!!

New!!  Celebrity Overdose Limited is proud to present its latest line of
children's lifelike action figures -- the Alternative Rock Star Heroin
Addict series!!  Yes, that's right!!  These tattooed 8-inch replicas come
complete with soiled, tattered clothing, realistic greasy, stringy hairdos,
anatomically correct pierced body parts, track-marked arms and a complete
array of smack paraphernalia including colorful syringes and spoons!  Watch
Junkie Jim as he nods off and falls from the stage in front of a packed mosh
pit!  Cringe with delight as China White becomes abusive and belligerent
during an MTV interview!  Feign shock and sadness as Doper Darryl's corpse
is carried from the tour bus with a needle sticking out of his arm!  Uh-oh!
Scag, the drummer, was just busted with six heroin-filled condoms and a
loaded .38!  Watch Relapse Rita walk out of the Betty Ford Clinic and into
the shooting gallery!  These fine role models are made of durable,
reinforced, non-toxic polyurethane and are guaranteed to withstand even more
years of abuse than their real-life counterparts!  Collect all 12 and
receive absolutely free -- Anorexic Annie!  She's a sultry, sunken-eyed,
emaciated model/groupie who can't get enough of anything -- except food!
Quantities are limited, so order today before the next drug craze arrives
and these become collector's items!

A CANDY-COLORED CLOWN THEY CALL THE SANDMAN
	-- Candy-Colored Clown <breitt@interaccess.com> [talk.bizarre]
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

MR. McCURRY'S DILEMMA

Background:  New drug czar Barry McCaffrey has proposed a kind of
"amnesty" for past drug users, whereby past drug use would no longer be
a disqualification for a government job (say, in the FBI for example).
Furthermore, Clinton Press Secretary Mike McCurry has recently admitted
that he smoked pot as a youth, as has Susan Molinari, prospective keynote
speaker at the Republican convention.

Charles Osgood commented on all this in "The Osgood File" on CBS Radio.
Here is what he said, as reported in the Washington Times National Weekly
Edition.  I find it amusing, but if you don't, well, flames to /dev/null:

    There are Democrats now and Republicans, too
    Who did things in the past that they cannot undo.
    As Barry McCaffrey acknowledges yet,
    He says now is the time to forgive and forget.
    This isn't a question that should be political.
    But to young people now it might seem hypocritical
    To be lectured on not using drugs at this stage
    By someone who used drugs when he was their age.
    A message youth might be inclined to ignore
    Is "Don't do what I never do anymore."
    What the youngster who hears that might possibly do
    Is to figure that "someday I'll swear off drugs too."
    But no need to be in too big of a hurry
    I'll quit when I quit, just like Mr. McCurry.
    For the unspoken message we're giving might be
    "If you do what I did you might turn out like me."

Jeffrey L. Hayes <tvdog@tvdog.sdi.agate.net>

© 1996 Peter Langston