Fun_People Archive
9 Sep
WhiteBoardness - 9/9/96

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Mon,  9 Sep 96 19:44:41 -0700
To: Fun_People
Subject: WhiteBoardness - 9/9/96

Excerpted-from: WhiteBoard News for Monday, September 09, 1996

"Sure, it comes from the same plant as marijuana, but industrial hemp has
no value as far as its euphoric properties are concerned.  I should know."

Dennis Hopper, actor-director and pharmaceutical expert, in Hemp Times
magazine.
==========

New York, New York:

Lava lamps just ooze with deeper meaning, apparently.

Inventor Craven Walker, 77, tells People magazine his theory about sexuality
and the lava lamp.  Those who didn't love the lava lamp must be "frightened
of sex," he says.

How so?

You turn on the 1960s flashback and the mystery goo inside "grows possibly
a little bit feminine," he says, "then a little bit masculine, then breaks
up and has children."
==========

Washington, District of Columbia:

Smoking gun enthusiasts are fuming:  Word has it that the federal
government's crackdown on cigarettes might outlaw the sale of firearms to
anyone who smokes.

The source of the alarm is the federal gun-purchase application (Form 4473),
which asks: "Are you an unlawful user of, or addicted to, marijuana, or any
depressant, stimulant, or narcotic drug, or any other controlled substance?"

Now that President Clinton has declared tobacco a drug, subject to
regulation by the Food and Drug Administration -- and now that government
officials are saying nicotine is every bit as addictive as heroin -- some
gun owners fear that confessing to a nicotine addiction might bar them from
future purchases.

Much of the cross-fire is playing out on the Internet, which is crackling
with frantic electronic messages on the topic.  "Effectively, Clinton has
now banned all firearm sales to anyone who smokes!" rails on participant of
the "talk.politics.guns" discussion group.

When Sam A. Kersh, a systems analyst for the San Antonio water board, read
the missives on-line, he decided to ring up the local Bureau of Alcohol,
Tobacco and Firearms office.  "The agent started to laugh," Kersh says.
"Then he thought about it and said, 'You're right -- if nicotine becomes a
controlled substance.'"

If the government ever does take aim at smoking gunners, one Internet wag
suggests a way to dodge the bullet on the ATF questionnaire: "The only
correct answer has to be: 'But hey, I never inhaled.'"

© 1996 Peter Langston