Fun_People Archive
22 Aug
Bully to you, Mrs. Melton!

Content-Type: text/plain
Mime-Version: 1.0 (NeXT Mail 3.3 v118.2)
From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Thu, 22 Aug 96 14:06:32 -0700
To: Fun_People
Subject: Bully to you, Mrs. Melton!

Forwarded-by: Keith Bostic <bostic@bsdi.com>
Forwarded-by: pp@doc.swip.net (Per Persson)
Forwarded-by: kayven@aol.com (KAYVEN)
Newsgroups: alt.horror.cthulhu

In article <e4Tg9DAeggByEw4B@directs.demon.co.uk>, Ian Ayliffe
<Ian@directs.demon.co.uk> writes:

> Currently I'm experimenting with two new recipes, "shoggoth au gratin"
> and "flying polyp lightly fried in breadcrumbs". I should be releasing
> my new recipe book next year "Cthulhu and Chips - One hundred and one
> ways to bake a nether-dimensional horror."

    Oh oh!   You better hope Richard (Longcoat@aol.com) doesn't hear about
this.  Those guys over at the SAVE THE SHOGGOTHS headquarters could very
well lead a protest march at bookstores everywhere!   Luckily, those of us
at MYTHOS PET INC.  don't concern ourselves with such matters.  As long as
a customer knows the information on how to take care of their Mythos Pet
that we make available, we stay out of it.   We believe in Personal Choice
as to how a customer choses to treat their Mythos pet.  Whether it be for
food purposes, companionship, or just to help with household chores. (A lady
in Michigan uses her Shoggoth to cut through the hard to clean hard-water
stains in her bathtub!  Bully to you, Mrs. Melton!)
   You may also be careful with any nightgaunt recipies you may have.  We
have received quite a number of letters in the last few months here that
accuse us of being face-ists!  And that was one of the mild accusations.
Seems the nightgaunts are getting political too.  So much so, in fact, that
we have had to stop selling the critters due to legal fears.  And one of
our most popular phamplets, NO FACE MEANS NO BRAINS by Sarah Kane, has had
to be pulled from our catalog!   They said that the instructions for
clipping a gaunt's wings were "the most idiotic, misinformed, typically
human act of violence against an intelligent species ever written" and that
each employee of Mythos Pet Inc should have "a trident shoved right up
the...."  Well, I think the meaning is clear.  Take care, Ian.  Some of
these radicals think that these creatures are thinking, feeling beings, just
because they understand various languages, Non-Euclidian geometry, and/or
can type with their tails.

Steven Harris
Co-Founder of Mythos Pet Inc

Coming soon: Zoogs!  These rodent-like beings from the Dreamlands will soon
be added to our catalog along with various holiday outfits to dress them in!
And they have opposable thumbs!  Great for working in textile sweatshops to
make designer clothing for well-known personalities.  And there are no laws
outlawing their use!

© 1996 Peter Langston