Fun_People Archive
21 Aug
The Comedian's Eye View of 8/21/96

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Wed, 21 Aug 96 01:02:22 -0700
To: Fun_People
Subject: The Comedian's Eye View of 8/21/96

Excerpted-from: 8/21/96 -- ShopTalk

Birthday Boy Bill: President Clinton's 50th birthday festivities ran into
a slight technical difficulty, says Boomer Maverick, "For Bill to blow out
all those candles, he would have had to inhale."

"Weird coincidence: At the precise moment Clinton made a wish and blew out
the candles, Al D'Amato slipped and fell on his butt." (Olympia Daily World)

"D'Amato had sent the president a new suit as a gift.  It fit just fine,
but Clinton didn't seem to like the black-and-white stripes." (Jerry
Perisho)

"Tipper Gore shares the same birthday.  She put a sticker on her present to
Clinton: 'Warning: Not all activities are suitable for middle age.'" (Steve
Tatham)

"The president, says he's lost 15 to 20 pounds since his last birthday.
Don't worry, they're bound to turn up two years from now in some Whitewater
file." (Cutler Daily Scoop)

In the news: The Republicans nominated a man who could be endorsed by both
Colin Powell and Pat Buchanan.  Says Argus Hamilton, "Now that's inclusive.
If this tent were any bigger, the rest of the world would think we were
fumigating."

Adds Fuzzbee Morse, "Though they managed to gloss over their fierce
differences on social issues, the GOP factions managed to reach a philosophy
they can all unite behind...A woman's right to shoes."

"Bob Dole is enjoying a bounce in the polls.  Some credit his reaching out
to minority Republicans.  Those making under $300,000." (Alan Ray) and next
to nothing.

Major league baseball history was made when the first regular season game
was played in Mexico.  Fernando Valenzuela led the Padres over the Mets.
Says Perisho, "Further history was made when Valenzuela was presented the
ears of the losing pitcher."

Martial arts movie star Jackie Chan made his US TV singing debut with a
tender rendition of "Can't Help Falling in Love."  Says Premiere Morning
Sickness, "Later, he sang another favorite song, 'Can't Help Breaking a
Brick With My Head.'"

"O.J. Simpson's ex-girlfriend Paula Barbieri is dating Mike Tyson.  You
could see why she would.  She often falls for the domestic abuser next
door." (Ray)

"Queen Elizabeth is talking cost cutting at Buckingham Palace.  Some of her
family may have to double up on their duties.  For example, Prince Charles
would do nothing." (Ray)

© 1996 Peter Langston