Fun_People Archive
19 Aug
The Comedian's Eye View of 8/20/96

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Mon, 19 Aug 96 17:08:29 -0700
To: Fun_People
Subject: The Comedian's Eye View of 8/20/96

Excerpted-from: 8/20/96 -- ShopTalk

And they're off! Quarterback Bob Dole called his first three plays last
week, says Argus Hamilton.  "Dole runs a reverse on supply-side, then Jack
Kemp runs a reverse on affirmative action, then they both attack the other
side for running so many reverses."

The GOP convention is over.  Says Alan Ray, "That means the Christian
Coalition can go back to focusing on its primary business: other people's."

Hitting bookstores this week is President Clinton's latest, "Between Hope
and History.":

"He first wanted to call it 'Between Fries and Rings.'" (Bob Mills)

"Thanks to Hillary's contacts, it's the first book ghostwritten by a real
ghost." (Cutler Daily Scoop)

"Environmentalists should be pleased.  It's being printed on paper recycled
from Newt Gingrich's unsold novel." (Mills)

In the news: A local radio station set a world record at Saturday's Dodgers
game by getting 50,000 people to dance the Macarena.  Says Alex Pearlstein,
"I know a better way to get 50,000 people on their feet, hopping and
shouting: Just lock the bathrooms."

In Paris last week, a gunman robbed an airliner after pulling a van in front
of the plane while it was taxiing down a runway.  Says Jay Leno, "This is
the biggest and boldest airline robbery since they started charging four
bucks for that stupid headset."

The makers of Pez have come up with a battery-powered dispenser.  Says Bill
Williams, "It's the first semiautomatic candy dispenser endorsed by the
NRA."

Adds Reno Goodale, "The bad news is, there's now a five-day waiting period
to buy candy."

A cockroach derby was held at Rutgers University.  Says Cutler, "The winner
was disqualified when it was discovered that he's gotten stuff under the
table."

Kurt Russell stars in "Escape From LA."  Says Ray, "In this movie Los
Angeles is a crime-ridden, riot-torn hell where those with the biggest guns
rule.  Producers rejected its original working title, '1996.'"

© 1996 Peter Langston