Fun_People Archive
14 Aug
Bits of Bull No. 386!

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Wed, 14 Aug 96 21:44:42 -0700
To: Fun_People
Subject: Bits of Bull No. 386!

Excerpted-from: BONG Bull No. 386!

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  Copyright (c) 1996 by BONG.  All rights reserved.

To subscribe:  Email to LISTSERV@NETCOM.COM.  In the text say
SUBSCRIBE BONG-L.

...

CAPE TOWN CONFIDENTIAL.  About the floor polisher unplugging life
supports and killing patients mentioned in BONG Bull 385, Lea
Daugherty <daughere@csn.net> of the Colorado Press Service fired up
her web browser and reported:
     "Since we were all wondering about the veracity of the 'Cape
Times' article, I thought I'd do a little scouting on the Web. I did
an Alta Vista search on Cape Times. I found that there is an online
service called the Independent online news which prints articles from
the Cape Times. The address for that is:  http://www.inc.co.za
     "The Independent has a search engine, too. So I typed in
'Pelonomi Hospital,' and the first thing that came up was "Cleaner
Polishes Off Patients." The URL for that story is:
     http://www.inc.co.za/Archives/9608/02/topmovies.html
     "And Charley, I would be interested to know if you hear from any
South African readers about this."
     BONG has several South African subscribers on its Internet
mailing list, but none joined the confirmation search.

A MINORITY OPINION ON THE MARS ROCK. Richard Mateosian, a freelance
technical writer <srm@c2.org>, informs a grateful BONG that at least
one reporter at a televised NASA press conference last week asked if
life on earth might have arrived from Mars.  It's a theory.
     "Another possibility: an asteroid hit Earth," posits Mateosian,
"sending a bunch of bacteria or fossils to Mars, where they sat until
an asteroid hit Mars and knocked them back. Stone age space travel."
Ooh yeah, and it further explains why even on a planetary level, one
should cover one's face when sneezing.

...

ALTERNATE SOURCE FOR OLYMPICS RESULTS.  David H. Lippman
<NASU002.USAP@iac.org.nz>, chairman of the planet's southernmost BONG
chapter on the edge of Antarctica, got to watch the games through New
Zealanders' eyes and had these observations to contrast with NBC's
"we'll break away now to the tiddlywinks venue, where an American is
tied for 73rd" coverage:
     Graphics weren't as zippy, but they showed every nation in the
opening parade and the announcers could pronounce every country
correctly; they didn't cut into the parade with idiotic interviews of
celebrities, but if a head of state was present, they showed that
person as his or her nation entered -- the Grand Duke of Luxembourg
or Princess Anne of Britain, and even gave their titles and names
correctly.  In 1984 in Los Angeles, the ABC crew could not identify
Princess Anne.
     And, TVNZ showed a lot of events not involving Americans, and
only showed medal ceremonies involving New Zealanders, so Kiwi
viewers got to see more sports.  "Reportage of NZ athletes was short
and to the point, without long and drawn-out hyperbolic segments on
how the American athletes travelled such a long and rocky road from
Milledgeville, Ga. to Atlanta, Ga."  And like all amateur sports
fans, Lippman observed obvious parallels between the U.S. basketball
"dream team," and the farce of professional wrestling.
     It remains only for some foreign network to publish a videotape
set for American viewers who missed all the sports.  That's a best-
seller waiting to happen.
...

© 1996 Peter Langston