Fun_People Archive
14 Aug
The Comedian's Eye View of 8/15/96

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Wed, 14 Aug 96 19:49:03 -0700
To: Fun_People
Subject: The Comedian's Eye View of 8/15/96

Excerpted-from: 8/15/96 -- ShopTalk

     "Dole is not half the man General Powell is. He's not even a
      semi-Colin."
                                  Tony Seton

                               &&&&&&&&&&

Conventional Wisdom: Opening night at the GOP convention was such a
tear-jerker, says Alex Kaseberg, "For a second I was afraid we were all
having an Enberg Moment relapse."

"You don't see that many white faces at a John Tesh concert." (Cutler Daily
Scoop)

"Nancy Reagan was spotted backstage giving Elizabeth Dole tips on how to
stretch state-dinner leftovers with Caviar Helper." (Bob Mills)

"The GOP platform is so narrow, it's not a platform- it's a balance beam."
(Jenny Church)

"Nothing about the Jack Kemp nomination is being left to chance.  Bob Dole's
speech writers have appointed Terry Bradshaw as the campaign's director of
football metaphors." (Mills)

"Kemp's devotion to supply-side economics has analysts calling him Ronald
Reagan's heir apparent.  I guess Dole's touching up his gray makes him
Reagan's hair apparent." (Gary Easley)

In the news: Cuban President Fidel Castro turned 70 on Tuesday.  Says Argus
Hamilton, "When he came to power, Eisenhower was president, 'I Love Lucy'
was No. 1 and Bill Clinton was promising more recess and less homework."

The president pleased environmentalists Monday when he got rid of a gold
mine at Yellowstone.  Says Hamilton, "It was classic Clinton.  He got the
guy to trade his gold mine for a beautiful vacation home on a river in
Arkansas."

They finally figured out what caused the big power outage last weekend, says
Jay Leno.  "To get OJ ready for his upcoming civil trial, his lawyers hooked
him up to a lie detector and BAM! Nine states..."

© 1996 Peter Langston