Fun_People Archive
3 Aug
In the New Army

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Sat,  3 Aug 96 17:55:57 -0700
To: Fun_People
Subject: In the New Army

Forwarded-by: Keith Bostic <bostic@bsdi.com>
Forwarded-by: Keith Sklower <sklower@CS.Berkeley.EDU>
Forwarded-by: David Bartolotta <david@bartolotta.com>
Forwarded-by: BEHRMEDIC@aol.com
Forwarded-by: (Greg Blaha)

A young man joined the Army and signed up with the paratroopers.  He went
though the standard training, completed the practice jumps from higher and
higher structures, and finally went to take his first jump from an airplane.
The next day, he called home to his father to tell him the news.

"So, did you jump?" the father asked.

"Well, let me tell you what happened.  We got up in the plane, and the
sergeant opened up the door and asked for volunteers. About a dozen men
got up and just walked out of the plane!"

"Is that when you jumped?" asked the father.

"Um, not yet. Then the sergeant started to grab the other men one at a time
and throw them out the door."

"Did you jump then?" asked the father.

"I'm getting to that. Every one else had jumped, and I was the last man left
on the plane. I told the sergeant that I was too scared to jump. He told be
to get off the plane or he'd kick my butt."

"So, did you jump?"

"Not then. He tried to push me out of the plane, but I grabbed onto the door
and refused to go. Finally he called over the Jump Master.  The Jump Master
is this great big guy, about six-foot five, and 250 pounds. He said to me,
``Boy, are you gonna jump or not?'' I said, ``No, sir. I'm too scared.'' So
the Jump Master pulled down his zipper and took his penis out. I swear, it
was about ten inches long and as big around as a baseball bat!  He said,
``Boy, either you jump out that door, or I'm sticking this baby up your
ass.''"

"So, did you jump?" asked the father.

"Well, a little, at first."

© 1996 Peter Langston