Fun_People Archive
14 Jul
JOTD - Drunk Driver

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Sun, 14 Jul 96 15:13:05 -0700
To: Fun_People
Subject: JOTD - Drunk Driver

Forwarded-by: Keith Bostic <bostic@bsdi.com>
Forwarded-by: glen mccready <glen@qnx.com>
Forwarded-by: Andrew Boyd <aboyd@qnx.com>

A cop is waiting across the street from a bar parking lot late on a Saturday
night, watching for drunks trying to drive home.  After a short wait, one
particularly sad case stumbles out the door, front of his shirt soaked,
bleary-eyed, confused, wandering the parking lot looking for his car.  He
locates his car, fumbles for his keys, gets in (bumping his head in the
process) and drives off, bumping the curb on the way.

Of course he doesn't get more than a half-dozen blocks before the cop is on
him, and he immediately pulls over.  The cop has him step out of the car,
sizes him up, and administers several field sobriety tests, with much effort
(the driver has trouble understanding some of the tests).  The driver fails
all the tests miserably: can't touch his nose, can't walk straight, can't
stand on one foot, can't recite a speedy alphabet.

The final legal step, of course, is the breathalyzer, so the cop asks his
subject to blow into the tube.  Green light.  In disbelief, the cop checks
the breathalyzer and has the suspect try again.  Another green light -- the
guy's blood-alcohol level is legal.

"Alright," says the cop, "how can you pass a breath test when you're so
obviously falling-down drunk?"  "Well, it's like this," replies the guy.
"You've heard of being the Designated Driver?  I'm the Designated Decoy."

© 1996 Peter Langston