Fun_People Archive
14 Jul
The Comedian's Eye View from 7/12/96

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Sun, 14 Jul 96 12:41:04 -0700
To: Fun_People
Subject: The Comedian's Eye View from 7/12/96

Excerpted-from: 7/12/96 -- ShopTalk

In the news: Tom Hanks will play the president of the United States in
"Primary Colors."  How does an actor prepare for such a role?  Says the
Olympia Daily World, "Playing Forrest Gump is a good warmup."

Former Colorado Gov. Dick Lamm will run for the Reform Party nomination:

"Imagine Ross Perot's surprise.  None of his lambs has challenged him
before."  (Steve Tatham)

"He's expected to raise three items on the party's platform: Welfare, health
care and the mike stand." (Alan Ray)

The acting surgeon general is pushing Americans to get into better shape.
Says Alex Pearlstein, "Good luck.  Judging by the number of incumbents we
reelect, most Americans can't even jog their memories."

Adds Jay Leno, "Remember that woman who streaked at Wimbledon last week?
Clinton appointed her to the President's Council on physical fitness."

It turns out the "smart bombs" used in the Gulf War weren't so smart after
all. Says Michael X. Ferraro, "Their parents just had connections with the
Pentagon's board of regents."

OJ Simpson's red Ferrari was auctioned off for $127,000:

"The new owner had to evict Kato Kaelin from the trunk."  (Premiere Morning
Sickness)

"One problem:  Nothing will fit in the glove compartment."  (Bob Mills)

"OJ is a guy who always liked to go fast.  He went from $10 million to zero
in 7.2 lawyers." (Argus Hamilton)

Hollywood insiders who have previewed "Evita" say it's going to be a
blockbuster.  Says Leno, "As opposed to Madonna's previous films, which went
straight to Blockbuster."

ID4: The producers of "Independence Day" are worried about the cost of doing
a sequel, says Cutler.  "They're scared the aliens will demand the moon and
the stars."

"In the movie, aliens destroy New York, Washington and L.A.  But at the end,
the Earthlings win.  Without New York, Washington and L.A,, the aliens die
of boredom."  (Hamilton)

© 1996 Peter Langston