Fun_People Archive
14 Jul
Cosmo Resign

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Sun, 14 Jul 96 00:06:53 -0700
To: Fun_People
Subject: Cosmo Resign

Forwarded-by: Keith Bostic <bostic@bsdi.com>
Forwarded-by: whorfin@pixar.com (Rick Sayre)
From:    [guilty party]

MOUNTAIN VIEW, Calif. (July 15, 1996) -- Silicon Graphics today unveiled a
new software product family, Cosmo[tm] Resign[tm].  Cosmo Resign is a Web-
and Java[tm]-based, robust, flexible, scalable, object-oriented multimedia
resignation management architecture with a user-friendly, drag-n-drop
interface.

"With Cosmo Resign, Silicon Graphics moves into the forefront of Resignation
Management Systems (RMSes)," said Tom Jermoluk, president and COO of Silicon
Graphics.  "Our industry-leading attrition rate has given us strong
practical experience with resignation processes and paradigms.  We quickly
identified the need for resignation management as a great market
opportunity, and went from prototype to announcement in only one month, once
again engaging in the quick time-to-announce that has made us the industry's
product announcement leader."

The Cosmo Resign suite includes:

Cosmo Resign Create--for intuitive, drag-n-drop, plug-n-play, look-n-feel,
beavis-n-butthead authoring of multimedia resignation letters

Cosmo Resign Create 3D--for those times when a flat doodle just isn't enough
to express the gesture you *really* mean

Cosmo Resign Player--a Netscape Navigator[tm] plugin for viewing
resignations, based on the Visual Resignation Modeling Language (VRML) 2.0
("Moving Jobs") specification

Cosmo Resign Color--for ensuring that the language in your resignation
letter is just as colorful on your manager's screen as it was on yours

Cosmo Resign MineSet--a powerful suite of resignation letter analysis tools
to help gather statistics on why all those damn employees left

Silicon Graphics also announced its partnership with Lateral Mobility Inc.,
developers of the popular ResumeQuik[tm], WebCounterOffer[tm] and
X-It-InterVue[tm] products.  "When combined with Lateral Mobility's family
of employee dissatisfaction tools, Cosmo Resign provides a total integrated
get-out-the-door-fast solution for Silicon Valley employees," said Ed
McCracken, Chairman and CEO of Silicon Graphics.  "Where employee turnaround
was once measured in years, now it will be measured in weeks or even days,
industry-wide."

The Cosmo Resign suite is slated to ship in the first half of calendar
199[mumble].

© 1996 Peter Langston