Fun_People Archive
8 Jul
More Mangy Morphed Machinations

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Mon,  8 Jul 96 23:49:07 -0700
To: Fun_People
Subject: More Mangy Morphed Machinations

Forwarded-by: Brad Roter <broter@u.washington.edu>
Forwarded-by: Harriet Fancott <APABC@mindlink.bc.ca>
Forwarded-by: "Jason Edmunds" <JEdmunds@msn.com>
To: "Harriet Fancott" <APABC@mindlink.bc.ca>
Subject: think of your own subject


     ON METAPHYSICS
     Deja Fu: The feeling that somehow, somewhere, you've been kicked in
     the head like this before.

     ON DEEP THOUGHTS
     A day without sunshine is like night.

     ON PARADOX AND RETURN POLICIES
     There is a CD out entitled "The Worst of Jefferson Airplane".  If you
     buy this, take it home, play it, and enjoy it, should you take it back
     and demand a refund?

     ON HIGHER EDUCATION
     College is a fountain of knowledge... and the students are there to
     drink.

     ON MATHEMATICAL TRANSFORMS
     A polar bear is a rectangular bear after a coordinate transform.

     ON YOUTH
     Some people say that I must be a horrible person, but that's not true.
     I have the heart of a young boy -- in a jar on my desk. -- Steven
     King, 3/8/90

     ON PROBLEM SOLVING
     When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to
     resemble a nail.
     -- Abraham Maslow

     ON MATERIALISM
     He who dies with the most toys, is, nonetheless, still dead.

     ON RELIGIOUS PRACTICES
     Photons have mass?  I didn't know they were Catholic!

     ON INFINITY
     If you had everything, where would you keep it?

     ON ECONOMICS
     The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.

     ON PUBLISHING OR PERISHING
     I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because someone
     has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at the top.  --
     English Professor, Ohio University

     ON REVISIONIST HISTORY
     What was sliced bread the greatest thing since?

     ON DATING
     When aiming for the common denominator, be prepared for the occasional
     division by zero.

     ON POETIC LOVE
     When you're swimmin' in the creek
     And an eel bites your cheek
     That's a moray!  -- Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers

     ON MODERNISM
     Q: How many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
     A: Two.  One to hold the giraffe and the other to fill the bathtub
     with brightly colored machine tools.

     ON MATERIAL SCIENCE
     Character density:  The number of very weird people in the office.

     ON EXTINCTION
     Save the whales.  Collect the whole set.

     ON LITERATURE
     This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly.  It should be thrown
     with great force.
     -- Dorothy Parker

     ON HUMILITY
     To err is human, to moo bovine.

     ON EXPLANATION OF THE END
     ... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that,
     lacking  zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of
     their C programs.
     -- Robert Firth

     ON PROPHECY
     The meek shall inherit the earth -- they are too weak to refuse.

     ON EXCUSES
     I can't complain, but sometimes I still do.  -- Joe Walsh

     ON NUMBERS
     Grabel's Law: 2 is not equal to 3 -- not even for very large values of 2.

     ON WORLD POLITICS
     Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggy" until you can find a rock.

     AND FINALLY, ON DRUGS AND DEVELOPMENT
     There are two major products to come out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX.
     We don't believe this to be a coincidence.

© 1996 Peter Langston