Fun_People Archive
18 Jun
The Top Five List for June 18, 1996

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Tue, 18 Jun 96 14:11:39 -0700
To: Fun_People
Subject: The Top Five List for June 18, 1996

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The Top 17 Effects of the Southern Baptists' Boycott of Disney


 17> Children in deep south begin mass conversion to Judaism.

 16> Disney moves forward with plans to release X-rated version
     of "Bedknobs and Broomsticks."

 15> Record summer tourism for nudie bars on Bourbon Street.

 14> Parade members can now dance without that awful guilty
     feeling.

 13> Plans announced for BaptistLand, "The Happiest Straight
     Place on Earth."

 12> Athletes now heard saying, "I'm going to Disneyland,
     and then to Hell!"

 11> Disneyland courts atheists with new slogan:  "The
     closest place to heaven *you'll* ever see."

 10> Finally, Goofy can reveal his true sexual orientation
     -- and gender!

  9> Disney employees asked to refrain from saying "Our
     Lord" in public, unless specifically referring to
     Michael Eisner.

  8> Reduced pressure to put pants on Donald Duck.

  7> Neighborhood "working girls" can no longer count on
     generous tips from visiting televangelists.

  6> Crowds at DollyWood soar into the dozens.

  5> Baptists now must visit Disney World in same
     disguise they wear to the liquor store.

  4> Hellfire and animation!

  3> No lines whatsover at "It's a Small Small Mind."

  2> Chip & Dale land on the cover of Out magazine.


     and the Number 1 Effect of the Southern Baptists' Boycott of
     Disney...


  1> Absolutely nothing!

© 1996 Peter Langston