Fun_People Archive
14 Jun
Dilbert News Bits

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Fri, 14 Jun 96 14:17:00 -0700
To: Fun_People
Subject: Dilbert News Bits

Excerpted-from: the April, 1996 Dilbert Newsletter

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

True Tales of Induhviduals

These true reports were filed by anonymous DNRC operatives:


	Sighting #1:

I was busy writing some computer program for one of my classes and my
roommate asked me if he could use my coffee maker. I said, "sure."

The next thing I hear is, "Hey, where do you put the coffee?" I turn to see
that he has filled the filter basket with water and is (unsuccessfully)
trying to keep the water in the basket by plugging the hole at the bottom
with his finger. He and the floor are both covered with water.

[Editor's note: Guess which one of these guys will be a senior manager
someday.]
[psl's note: Sorry, sighting #1 is almost as boring as the  
CD-tray/cup-holder story that's been going around lately, but I included it  
for completeness.  They get better...]


	Sighting #2:

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate, when the airport employee
asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?"

I said, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?"

He smiled and nodded knowingly, "That's why we ask."


	Sighting #3:

The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it is safe to cross the street. I
was crossing with an intellectually challenged co-worker of mine, when she
asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals to
blind people when the light is red. She responded, appalled, "What on earth
are blind people doing DRIVING???"


	Sighting #4:

At a goodbye lunch for an old and dear co-worker who is leaving the company
due to "rightsizing," our manager spoke up and said, "This is fun. We should
have lunch like this more often."

Not another word was spoken. We just looked at each other like deer staring
into the headlights of an approaching truck.


	Sighting #5:

I worked with an Induhvidual who plugged her power strip back into itself
and for the life of her could not understand why her system would not turn
on.


	Sighting #6 (a rare "double sighting"):

A friend had a brilliant idea for saving disk space. He thought if he put
all his Microsoft Word documents into a tiny font they'd take up less room.
When he told me I was with another friend. She thought it was a good idea
too.


	Sighting #7 (from Tech Support):

Tech Support: "How much free space do you have on your hard drive?"
 Induhvidual: "Well, my wife likes to get up there on that Internet, and she
		downloaded ten hours of free space. Is that enough?"


	Sighting #8 (from Tech Support):

 Induhvidual: Now what do I do?
Tech Support: What is the prompt on the screen?
 Induhvidual: It's asking for "Enter Your Last Name."
Tech Support: Okay, so type in your last name.
 Induhvidual: How do you spell that?


	Sighting #9 (from Tech Support):

We received a support call from a customer who had problems connecting to
some dial-in lines. He said he found a solution to his connection problems
and would like to share it with us.

When he heard his modem retraining upon dialing in, he would pick up the
phone and make a "Kckgkth" noise, like a modem, into the phone. Then he
would hang up and get a reliable connection. He told us he would be glad to
record this noise and send it to us so that our other customers could
benefit from it.

After we stopped rolling on the floor laughing, we told him he was just
inserting line noise and was connecting at a lower speed.

© 1996 Peter Langston