Fun_People Archive
29 May
The Comedian's Eye View of 5/30/96

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Wed, 29 May 96 23:27:08 -0700
To: Fun_People
Subject: The Comedian's Eye View of 5/30/96

Excerpted-from: 5/30/96 -- ShopTalk

Ooooh, baby: The Clintons would like to have a second child, Hillary said
in an interview:

"As if 535 members of Congress weren't enough." (Steve Tatham)

"A baby in the White House would raise so many questions: Is it a proper
environment for a child?  Are the Clintons too old?  Is it just an excuse
for Bill to order Happy Meals?  Did Dan Quayle leave behind any coloring
books?" (Cutler Daily Scoop)

"Hillary now throws up every morning even before Al D'Amato's name is
mentioned." (Bob Mills)

"Republicans have already accused her of kowtowing to Big Labor." (Joe Vogel)

"They're thinking of adopting.  They're getting used to it, after adopting
so many GOP stands on issues." (Tatham)

"An admitted drug user and a woman under criminal investigation living in
public housing-would they even qualify?" (Cutler)

"If it's a boy, they'll name him Bob-because that's the only way anyone with
that name will get to live in the White House any time soon." (Bill Williams)

In the news: Campaigning at Disney World last weekend, Bob Dole wore a golf
shirt and jeans.  Says Argus Hamilton, "You just know he can't wait to get
home every night, slip into a suit and tie, and just relax."

The House is now debating same-sex marriage, new sentencing laws, welfare
reform and anti-tobacco legislation.  Says Hamilton, "If everything passes,
poor people who smoke in gay wedding chapels will get the death penalty."

At Coney Island, two people were injured when a roller coaster derailed.
Says Alex Pearlstein, "Call me cynical, but what do people expect when they
visit an amusement park on Amtrak Day?"

Archeologists digging in Egypt recently found the royal tomb were 400 sons
of the Pharaoh Ramses were buried.  Wonders Hamilton, "If Ramses had 400
sons, why did they name a condom after this guy?"

R&B/rap trio TLC has filed for bankruptcy despite the huge success of their
album "Crazysexycool/."  Says Alex Kaseberg, "Their next album will be
called "Dupedscrewedbroke."

© 1996 Peter Langston