Fun_People Archive
28 May
Crips Streamline Membership Application Process

Content-Type: text/plain
Mime-Version: 1.0 (NeXT Mail 3.3 v118.2)
From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Tue, 28 May 96 12:23:32 -0700
To: Fun_People
Subject: Crips Streamline Membership Application Process

Forwarded-by: Keith Bostic <bostic@bsdi.com>
Forwarded-by: Dave Del Torto <ddt@lsd.com>

[Originally found in "The Onion," Boulder Colorado's satire rag, v29 n6 pg3.]

--GANG LIFE--

     Crips Streamline Membership Application Process
	- Paperwork, beatings to be reduced 50% -

LOS ANGELES - In an effort to better serve potential new members, the
L.A.-based Crips street gang unveiled a revamped gang application
procedure yesterday, one expected to reduce both initiation beatings and
paperwork by 50 percent. The new process, which was principally designed
by Crips president LaShawn Harris, is scheduled to take effect
immediately.

   [PHOTO: goateed/bandana-ed recruiter assisting young applicant with forms]
   (CAPTION:)
   Becoming a Crip became even easier yesterday, as the Los Angeles-based
   gang announced a series of radical procedural improvements including
   more efficient initiation beatings and a new voucher system for better
   access to the gang's stable of hoes.

"We are confident that the changes will make becoming a Crip even easier
and more enjoyable," Harris said. "We simply felt that the old procedure,
which involved filling out long, detailed application forms in triplicate;
getting the forms stamped by a notary public; and having senior gang
members urinate in one's mouth, was discouraging to many young people
interested in being a part of our organization."

Among the major changes: New members will no longer be required to show ID
before selecting a ho from the Crips' stable of bitches.

"In the past, anyone with less than two years' membership had to have an
active ID card with an up-to-date sticker on the back if they wanted to get
freaky with one of the hoes." Crips treasurer Trezelle Ivey said. "Now all
they have to do is give their membership number and initial a sheet."

Ivey added that when knocking boots, gang members now have the added option
of using a special new voucher, which ca be re-credited to one's account if
the bitch turns cold and refuses to give it up.

Another improvement the Crips have made is greater flexibility in
scheduling initiation murders. "Until now, we pretty much told new members
that they would have to go out and kill a Blood at a time that was good for
us," Crips vice-president Dwayne Henderson said. "Well, very often that
made things difficult for those who had a prior commitment, such as a job
or internship. Now, new members can commit their mandatory killings at a
time that's good for them, not us."

The Crips have also revamped their branding procedure. "No longer will new
members be forcibly held down by four senior Crips as a giant 'C' is burned
into their back," Henderson said, "we now offer frightened new members the
option of having a fifth person help restrain them."

To offset the cost of providing the fifth helper at brandings, however, the
gang will no longer offer initiates a free blunt or 40-ounce of St. Ides to
numb the pain.

So far, reactions to the changes have been largely positive. "When my older
brother joined the Crips in 1991, he had to wait in line for hours," new
member Keyshon Williams, 14, said. "But when I joined recently, there was
practically no wait at all. I was initiated and beaten in less than 15
minutes. And I was actually doing drive-bys the very next day."

LAPD officials are impressed with the changes. "With so many young people
today interested in gangbanging, it's often difficult for popular gangs to
process them fast enough," Sgt. Jeff Herron said. "But the Crips are doign
a tremendous job accommodating these kids. And their processing center is
now open until 8 p.m. on Thursdays, which helps a lot for those with
nine-to-five jobs."

According to Crip spokesperson Allan "T. Boz" Watkins, by 1998 the gang
hopes to have all members' records computerized. "At the push of a button,
we'll know exactly who's killed whom, and who has said what about whose
mother."

Despite the application procedure changes, the gang's resignation procedure
will remain the same. According to Harris: "Those looking to quit will
still have to complete the resignation forms in duplicate, fill out the
Crips exit survey, undergo an exit interview to let management know
personally how they felt about their experiences with us and hand in all
registered sawed-offs and Glocks."

-30-

© 1996 Peter Langston