Fun_People Archive
21 May
The Top 15 Signs School is Out

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Tue, 21 May 96 17:30:35 -0700
To: Fun_People
Subject: The Top 15 Signs School is Out

From: The Top 5 List <top5@walrus.com>



         The Top 15 Signs School is Out


15> Ratings for Ricki Lake reach all-time high.

14> It's past noon and STILL no sight of the school bus.

13> Tuba sales plummetting.

12> Flashers relocate from schoolyards to playgrounds.

11> Gang violence back on the streets where it belongs.

10> Metal detectors from school entrance to mall entrance.

 9> X-rated theaters packed with restless crossing guards.

 8> Massive layoffs again in the Number 2 Pencil industry.

 7> Increase in FULLHOUSE-LIST messages from teenyboppers who
    obviously don't understand Bob Saget's comic genius!

 6> Refuses stunt double for steamy love scene with Brad Pitt
    -- Oops, that's a sign that Keanu Reeves is "out"!

 5> Every morning when you go out to check your bear traps,
    you gotta release a half-dozen kids.

 4> Clown-head voice is two octaves higher when blaring
    "Uh, you want fries with that?"

 3> You keep bumping into Woody Allen and his sweetie.

 2> All the best kickball players joining professional teams.


and the Number 1 Sign School is Out...


 1> Normally dormant Alice Cooper heads for Vegas again with
    that new royalty check.

© 1996 Peter Langston