Fun_People Archive
13 May
The Beer Bill of Rights

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Mon, 13 May 96 15:24:07 -0700
To: Fun_People
Subject: The Beer Bill of Rights

[Are they talking about Starbuk's Non-fat Strawberry-Rhubarb Lager in #8?  -psl]


Forwarded-by: Keith Bostic <bostic@bsdi.com>
Forwarded-by: tale@uunet.uu.net (David C Lawrence)
From: Jim Kasprzak <jimcat@panix.com>

 Jeff Jankowski, Ron Sperber and I came up with this over the weekend...
with a little inspiration from the Founding Fathers of the United States.
We'd like to think that Samuel Adams would be proud.

 This document can be found on the World Wide Web:
http://www.apricot.com/~jimcat/writings/misc/beerbill.html

=-=-=-=-=-=

	THE BEER BILL OF RIGHTS

1. Congress shall make no law disrespecting an establishment of beer, or
prohibiting the free consumption thereof; or abridging the freedom of bar
service, or of brewing; or the right of the people peacably to assemble,
and to petition the bartender for a round of beers.

2. A well-stocked bar being necessary to the security of a free State, the
right of the people to brew and consume beer shall not be infringed.

3. No beer shall, in time of heat be quartered in any house without
refrigeration, nor in time of cold, except in a manner prescribed by law.

4. The right of the people to be secure in their beer, bottles, glasses,
and brewing effects, against unreasonable searches and seziures, shall not
be violated, and no last calls shall be issued, but upon the proper time,
supported by the clock, and particularly offering the bar patrons the
opportunity to purchase and consume one more beer before closing.

5. No person shall be held to consume a second-rate, or otherwise infamous
beer, unless on presentment or indictment of a large bar bill, except in
cases arising in block parties or backyard barbecues, or at a fraternity
house, when in actual celebration in time of holidays or sporting events;
nor shall any person subject for the same bar bill to be twice put in
jeopardy of cash or credit; nor shall be compelled in any drinking
establishment to purchase beer for anyone other than himself; nor be
deprived of beer without due process of law; nor shall private stocks of
beer be taken for public consumption without just compensation.

6. In all drinking establishments, the patron shall enjoy the right to
speedy and courteous service, by a qualified bartender of the establishment
wherein the beer shall have been ordered, which establishment shall have
been previously licensed by law, and to be informed of the nature and price
of the beer; to be presented with the bar tab against him; to have
compulsory process for obtaining the beer which was ordered, and to have
the assistance of the bartender for service.

7. In bills at drinking establishments, where the value in controversy shall
exceed twenty dollars, the right of service shall be preserved, and no tab
presented by a bartender shall be otherwise re-examined in any drinking
establishment in the United States, than according to the rules of the
common law.

8. Excessive drinking shall not be required, nor excessive prices imposed,
nor cruel and unusual beers inflicted.

9. The enumeration in the Constitution, of certain beers, shall not be
construed to deny or disparage others consumed by the people.

10. The beers not supplied to the bars by mass marketing, nor brewed in
microbreweries, are reserved to the brewpubs respectively, or to the people.

© 1996 Peter Langston