Fun_People Archive
30 Apr
The Comedian's Eye View - 5/1/96

Content-Type: text/plain
Mime-Version: 1.0 (NeXT Mail 3.3 v118.2)
From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Tue, 30 Apr 96 20:59:18 -0700
To: Fun_People
Subject: The Comedian's Eye View - 5/1/96

Excerpted-from: 5/1/96 (Part 1) -- ShopTalk

The Bulls' Dennis Rodman, when asked to assess Phil Jackson as a coach and
as a man: "Great coach. As a man, well, I've never slept with him."

Steve Rosenbloom of the Chicago Sun-Times, on the purchase of the Dallas
Mavericks by Ross Perot Jr.: "If he does OK, Dad said he could have a real
team next."

In the news: Alan Ray, on Ford's recall of 8.7 million cars because a faulty
ignition switch could start a fire: "Trying to put a positive spin on the
recall, the folks in marketing are now saying that switch can also serve as
a cigarette lighter."

Jay Leno, on the poll showing that parents were twice as likely to trust
their kids with Bill Clinton as Bob Dole:  "See, people trust Clinton as a
baby sitter.  They just wouldn't trust him with the baby sitter."

"Tony Peyser, on the war-torn Middle East: "Alternative rockers plan to play
a benefit for the region this fall, and will call it
'Hezbollahlalapalooza.'"

Jenny Church, on John Tesh donating $1 from each ticket from his concert
tour to provide equipment for thousands of students in need: "Earplugs?"

Cutler Daily Scoop on former Green Beret Col. Bo Gritz going into the
Montana Freemen compound in an attempt to end the standoff with the FBI:
"If they need a colonel who really understands the criminal mind, there's
always Ollie North."

"Cutler on Paramount paying Joe Ezsterhas $2 million for a script about US
militia groups: "He knows all about bombs.  He wrote 'Showgirls.'"

Church, on the upcoming reunion banquet for descendants to mark the 150th
anniversary of the Donner Party:
O Banquet prices are $300 a head; $30 a hand; $3 a finger.
O The evening's theme?  "The Donner Party: covered wagon to covered dish."

© 1996 Peter Langston