Fun_People Archive
30 Apr
The Ballad of the Bobbit Hillbillies

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Tue, 30 Apr 96 19:39:07 -0700
To: Fun_People
Subject: The Ballad of the Bobbit Hillbillies

[Just when you thought it was safe...  -psl]

Forwarded-by: Daniel Steinberg <dss@opcode.com>
Subject: Hey, granny - what's that a-floatin' in the cement pond?
Forwarded-by: Robin McDonald <RAM_+p_MHS_+a_CCP_+lRAM+r%CCP@mcimail.com>


The Ballad of the Bobbit Hillbillies
(Sing to the tune of the Beverly Hillbillies)


Here's a little story about a man named John.
A poor ex-marine with a little fraction gone.
It seems one night after getting with his wife.
She lopped off his schlong with the swipe of a knife.
(Penis that is) (Rodeoed, Filet-io-ed)

Well the next thing you know there is a Ginsu by his side,
and Lorena's in the car taking Willie for a ride.
She soon got tired of her purple-headed friend.
so she tossed him out the window as she rounded out a bend.
     (Curve, that is)
     (Pricker shrubs, Wheel hubs)

She went to the cops and confessed to the attack,
and they called out the hounds just to get his weenie back.
They sniffed and they barked, then they pointed "over there"
to John Wayne's Henry that was waving in the air.
     (Found, that is)
     (By a fence, evidence)

Now Peter and John couldn't stay apart too long.
so a dic-doc said, "Hey I can fix your dong,"
A needle and a thread just the thing your gonna need,
Then the world held it's breath till they heard that Johnny peed.
     ( Whizzed, that is)
     (Stitched seam, straight stream)

Well he healed and he hardened, and he took his case to court.
With a cock-eyed lawyer (since his assets came up short).
They cleared her of assault and acquitted him of rape,
and his pecker was the only thing they didn't show on tape!
     (Video, that is)
     (Unexposed, case closed)

© 1996 Peter Langston