Fun_People Archive
27 Apr
TTLOTD - The Ten Usenet Commandments

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Sat, 27 Apr 96 14:36:20 -0700
To: Fun_People
Subject: TTLOTD - The Ten Usenet Commandments

Forwarded-by: "Jack D. Doyle" <doylej@PEAK.ORG>
Forwarded-by: siva@shape.ece.jhu.edu (K. Sivakumar)

Chris Hennessy (chenness@enterprise.powerup.com.au) wrote:
	<http://www.powerup.com.au/~chenness/>

 The brothers Usas and Senda, despairing of the state of UseNet, went unto
 the mountain at the feet of Net.God.  "Oh Net.God, there is confusion and
 sorrow in your place of UseNet. The people worship false gods and knowst
 not your will."

 Net.God spoke unto Usas and Senda. "YOU PLAYETH THE GAME BY NET.GOD'S LAWS,
 OR THE BAT WILL BE DEPOSITED IN THE LIGHTLESS PLACE."

 Usas, being devout and greatly afeard of Net.God, prayed.  "Lord, how am
 I to know your will?"

 And Net.God, being wise in the ways of Usas, spake thus, "THOU SHALT
 OBEY THE LAWS OF USENET, THERE BEING TEN, OR BE DAMNED UNTO THE LAST
 GENERATION," for He is a merciful God.

 So did Net.God deliver unto Usas the Commandments.


 THE TEN USENET COMMANDMENTS
 ---------------------------

1. Thou shalt not battle over operating systems.
   I am wise and in My wisdom have created diverse and various operating
   systems. Be true unto the chosen system and neither covet nor despise
   your neighbour's operating system.

2. Thou shalt not battle over nationalities or tribes.
   I have placed the UseNet aside from all things, and granted it unto Usas.
   I am blind to the place in which pray, all prayers being equal in Virtual
   Heaven.

3. Thou shalt not flame.
   Your Net.God has anger in His heart for those who flame without cause or
   who do persecute the spelling of others. In my wisdom I have created
   opinions to be as armpits; your's is warm and secure but thine
   neighbour's stinks. Tolerate others as you would be tolerated. Flames
   are Mine, and I do preserve some good ones for these people.

4. Thou shalt not MAKE-$$$$-FAST.
   I have made Usas wise that the love of money is the root of all evil. He
   who angers his neighbour by the wasting of bandwidth shall anger Net.God,
   and also by spamming or cluttering. I reserveth a special Hell for these,
   and great shall be their sorrow.

5. Thou shalt quote meaningfully.
   Net.God loves not the man who taketh more than needed nor he who quoteth
   all, including the sig. Render unto Net.God what is Net.God's, render
   unto Usas what is Usas; credit Senda for he is good.

6. Thou shalt e-mail personal prayers.
   I have rendered unto Usas the ability to talk to all the peoples of the
   world. I tell you, it is better to whisper into an ear than shout into
   a crowd.

7. Thou shalt not me-too.
   Make not your prayers to the Senda the knowledge of thine neighbour. The
   wisdom of Usas is the ability to speak to all people, and to choose to
   speak to one.

8. Thou shalt not cross post unwisely.
   The place I grant thee for rec.pets.cats is not the place of
   comp.unix.advocacy.

9. Thou shalt not post tests in profusion.
   I giveth unto you the lands of alt.test to learn of your God.  Tend to
   Usas as I do My calves; let the new gather the strength to stand before
   joining with the herd.

10.Thou shalt send complete offerings.
   Send not to your God incomplete offerings. If the parts of the sacrifice
   number all the people of the world times ten your God will not be pleased
   to receive all but two. The blessing of Net.God is upon he who posts
   fewer large parts that he who posts many small ones.

© 1996 Peter Langston