Fun_People Archive
26 Apr
The Comedian's Eye View - 4//26/96

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Fri, 26 Apr 96 01:01:04 -0700
To: Fun_People
Subject: The Comedian's Eye View - 4//26/96

Excerpted-from: 4/26/96 -- ShopTalk

Zooming gas prices have everyone stunned. Says Jay Leno, "According to a
survey, if gas goes up to $20, $30 a gallon, people in LA may seriously
start thinking about walking the two blocks to the store."

Buddy Baron offers five sure signs gas prices have gone up:
O You've doubled your car's value just by filling it up.
O Before pumping, the attendant lets you sniff the cork.
O Your Chevron card maxes out before your Visa does.
O Elizabeth Taylor has a news brand of gas named after her.
O You teach your 6-year-old how to work a siphon hose.

Adds Alex Kaseberg, "The hot new excuse for missing work is 'The bank
turned down my gas loan."

In the news: At Sotheby's auction of Kennedy memorabilia, a $100 footstool
fetched  $33,000, a $700 painting drew $6,000 and a $3,000 piano went for
$167,000.  Says Argus Hamilton, "It got out of hand.  Halfway through the
sale, John-John set up a kissing booth."

A survey shows that men under age 55 who have severe hair loss have a much
greater risk of a heart attack.  Right, says Ryan, "Especially when that
$2,000 hairpiece blows off while they're riding in their girlfriend's
convertible."

Authorities in Eureka are looking for a woman who has reportedly been
snatching other people's babies, breast-feeding them and then giving them
back.  Says Premiere Morning Sickness. "Bob Packwood was spotted in the
area wearing a diaper and bonnet and holding a sign that says 'Got Milk?'"

© 1996 Peter Langston