Fun_People Archive
22 Apr
Sex Manual

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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Mon, 22 Apr 96 15:45:49 -0700
To: Fun_People
Subject: Sex Manual

Forwarded-by: Keith Bostic <bostic@bsdi.com>
Forwarded-by: Per Persson <pp@pfawww.pp.se>
Forwarded-by: Jerry Horvath <jjhnsh@halcyon.com>
Forwarded-by: byang1@cc.swarthmore.edu (Bob's World)

Some time ago the British magazine `New Statesman' had a humour competition
in which readers were asked to come up with a letter complaining to the
publisher of a sex manual, "relating to serious injury sustained, damage
inflicted, or frustration experienced, after following the instructions
contained therein."

Peter Norman won 15 pounds for this:

Dear Sir,

One knows that publishing standards are declining, but I have never been so
shocked and appalled by the number of misprints in a single publication. I
refer, of course, to your "100 Easy Steps to Martial (sic) Satisfaction".
Some of the advice therein is rendered misleading, dangerous or even illegal
by such errors.

For instance, on page 212, one is enjoined to `carefully place a condor on
your penis...' Later, on the same page, we are told to `stroke the beast,
stimulating the erectile tissue at its tip', a course of action that I fancy
even trained falconers would eschew. Elsewhere, my partner actually followed
to the letter (pardon my little joke) the instructions to `fondle your mans
bills' (p39) and `give him a long, slow message' (p128), both of which
proved positively anaphrodisiac. And no one, surely, outside ancient
Carthage has `punic hair' (p56) or uses a `dido' (p337).  In chapter 1, the
recommended `fissionary position' (p6) sounds a little explosive for
beginners...

© 1996 Peter Langston